While innocently clicking around the Urban Outfitters website, we stumbled upon a frightening place, full of detestable abominations that will make your skin crawl: The shoe section.

If a wide-mouth bass and a tire mated, you'd get this horrorshow. Imagine looking under the bed for something and finding this, gaping at you. Nightmares.

Riudavets Leather Avarca Sandal, $120

The eyes are staring, the mouth is hanging open, and you can just see all the uncomfortable pinch points.

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Kimchi Blue Lace-Up Peep-Toe Heel,
$69

Someone went to a magical land where shimery unicorns and rainbow-colored goats roam emerald hills, then captured one of said goats and cut its foot off.

SENSO Delilah Rainbow-Stripe Woolen Ankle Boot, $253

Your grandpa had one long leg, one short leg, horrible bunions and left these for you in his will.

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Cheap Monday Peep-Toe Oxford Flatform, $110

Anal/genital warts.

Dr. Martens Tonal Pyramid-Stud 3-Eye Oxford, $250

Brought to you by the Ghost of Christmas Past, as played by Trinidad James.

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Jeffrey Campbell Chunky Chain High-Top Sneaker, $245

Earlier: 12 Depressing Ensembles From Urban Outfitters' Apocalyptic Wasteland
The 13 Ugliest Shoes In The World