Let's just say someone asked you to describe what you're looking for in a significant other. Would your answer be succinct? For example: "Not an asshole"? Or are you the type to have qualities and attributes you're attracted to? Qualities you'll gladly list, if prompted? And is there anything wrong with that?
A tipster writes:
Talking to a friend of mine who was frustrated for not having found anyone I asked her what she was looking for in a man. I specifically asked for a short list. She gave me this.
Note that it says, "Qualities I love about my husband." She wasn't and isn't married!
Here's the list:
Qualities I love about my husband
- Thinks I'm beautiful!!
- Great ("innocent") sense of humor
- multi-lingual/facility to pick up languages
- Ever faithful
- loves to travel
- calm/even tempered
- musically inclined
- loves children (family oriented)
- Enjoys all foods!!
- healthy/physically fit
- fun/fun loving
- makes me laugh… from the gut
- likes animals (especially cats)
Now, obviously the friend thinks the woman is asking for too much. And on Reddit the responses vary from "Yeah, she's going to stay single" and "She's out of her mind" to:
as a man, i don't think she's crazy or expecting too much, however i would be curious to know what she is willing to bring to the table...I mean you had better be working on those things in your own life if you expect to find them in a partner.
Okay: Calling it "Qualities I love about my husband" is a little weird. It seems like she took her friend's question as a "make your dream man" challenge.
But I don't think she is out of her mind. I don't know if she will get everything on her list, but I don't know if it's wrong to wish for it. This list is thoughtful and tells me that the woman has a sense of her own self-worth, as well as what's important in life — kindness, a sense of humor, generosity. It would be troubling if she were routinely turning away dudes because they didn't have every single quality on the list, but she's not doing that, as far as we know. And come on, no one enjoys all foods! Maybe she's reacting to having dated a vegan in the past. My brother is a great guy with a large percentage of these traits, but he doesn't eat fruit. Would she consider that a dealbreaker? I doubt it. It's just a list of what she's looking for, not hard and set rules, not requirements. In any case, there's nothing on this list about her dream man looking like Ryan Gosling or making seven figures. She's not being superficial, impractical or absurd. These are admirable qualities for any human to have. Or am I crazy for thinking she's not crazy? I don't know. I'm single too.
Image by Jim Cooke.