100,000 Dolphins Are Partying Without Us Off the Coast of CaliforniaS

An enormous dolphin stampede—about seven miles long and five miles wide and estimated to comprise 100,000 rogue dolphs—is currently rampaging around off the coast of San Diego. Here's a first-hand account:

'They were coming from all directions, you could see them from as far as the eye can see,' Joe Dutra said after seeing the spectacle first hand.

Mr Dutra, who captains Hornblower Cruises, was out on his daily tour with a boat full of nature watchers when he spotted the massive group of dolphins.

'I've seen a lot of stuff out here… but this is the biggest I've ever seen, ever,' he told the local NBC affiliate.

...Experts are unable to pinpoint any specific reason as to why so many of the mammals were traveling together on this particular night.

While I recognize that this is probably due to some horrifying global warming shit or whatever (thanks, OBAMA), I have to say that my first reaction is why wasn't I invited!!?!? You guys invited Hornblower but not me? That hurts—right in the feelings, dolph-bros. Is this because I asked the Sea Cow to Fish Prom? I thought you just liked him as a friend!!!!!

Anyway, obviously I can't be certain where they're going, but I CAN GUESS: