Here's Everyone Telling You What You Really Want for Valentine's DayTracy Moore 2/11/13 6:00pmFiled to: Valentine's DayWhat do women really wantWomenShoppingTopRelationshipsLoveFb2312EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkWoman: Don't even act like you didn't remember this Thursday is Valentine's Day (reminder: delete iCal reminder). How ever could you forget, when what was once just a lil' old annoyingly pervasive Hallmark holiday is now a full-fledged, front-to-back excavation on What You Really Want. It's a Sphinx-like riddle, a veritable landmine of heart-shaped explosives out there, a worldwide manhunt to track down with body-heat-imaging drones if necessary the exact specific thing that will make you most unlikely to rage or withhold a beej for days, weeks or years after it's all said-slash-done. AdvertisementIt's OK if you don't actually know what you really want in exactly three day's time countdown starting now. Because maybe what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted, it was just what he wanted for you to want, i.e., what he really wanted for himself (cough see above cough about the beej cough). He's always doing that, isn't he? We hate fictional him. (Does he REALLY exist, Internet?!)The good news is that I've made it easier for him or her to choose, with this handy compilation of dozens and dozens of things you purportedly want. The bad news: Everyone thinks they know you, general woman, and the stakes have never been higher. Good news: The payoffs have never been bigger, the gift bags never better than they are in this, today's, the most current Valentine's Day Pressure Cooker of all the Pressure Cookers Recorded.AdvertisementYou want:Chocolate.Boobs.SponsoredChocolate boobs.A social network just for two.AdvertisementTo take a trip.To have sexy time without your kids around.To have a nice time even though your partner just cheated on you.AdvertisementTo save money.To coupon.To get or give sex coupons.AdvertisementAdvertisementTo improve your relationships by using your smart phone.A 1-minute love potion to attract a partner.To not have your ex-partner revenge-bribe you with those sexy pics you sent:AdvertisementTo not be married to an idiot-jerk who would just once, for the love of God, clean the house, do dishes and/or laundry like a functionally competent adult.To have love cocktails.To have themed nail art.AdvertisementAdvertisementTo like Valentine's Day again.To say it with padlocks.To eat healthier.AdvertisementTo eat decadently.To get free STD testing.To have safe sex.AdvertisementAdvertisementTo have sex at all.To get a lil' kink.To release your "inner goddess."AdvertisementTo get laid with Shakespeare's help.To not have sex.To make bank.AdvertisementAdvertisementTo have a special Millennial Valentine's Day.To just hang out with friends like the invincibly vulnerable Taylor Swift.To watch a movie.AdvertisementTo find a singles-friendly restaurant.To give yourself a relationship checkup.To go to an Anti-Valentine's Day party.AdvertisementAdvertisementTo rebrand Valentine's Day to a Day of Generosity.To get a "unique" gift.To never celebrate this holiday again because someone already out-did us all.