Here's the most nouveau riche crap you've seen in awhile. This commercial for STK restaurants is just... it's the sort of thing someone who made a lot of money selling mc mansions would make. Just super fucking tacky, and attempting to "wink" at the viewer, but failing miserably. The takeaway here is: STK. It's AXE body spray for steak.

What's even more amazing, the chain's claim that it's "female-friendly". It's true — when I go out with my girls, we love staring dead-eyed into the void, waving hair spray around like we're in Grease 2, and applying makeup on top of makeup as some dude ejaculates sparkles around us. STK GETS WMN™.

Favorite bit of their ridic ad-speak:

As anticipated, steak is the main attraction. With a female-friendly mindset, STK offers small, medium and large cuts of meat, as well as naturally raised options and market fresh fish entrees.

For some reason, this calls to mind the TV characters who might enjoy eating at such a place. Here's a partial list, although there's surely many, many more.

  • 1. Chandler decides to take some important out-of-town Japanese clients he's trying to woo out to a real "American Steakhouse". When they arrive, he's horrified to find it's... well, how STK is. While trying to usher everyone out, Joey spots Chandler and calls them over. Of course Joey's a regular! Cue laughs. At first the evening is disastrous, but then everyone loosens up and has a good time. Chandler seals the big deal, all thanks to Joey and STK! (Friends)
  • 2. Jay thinks he's taking Gloria for a nice meal, but last minute they have to bring Manny, who is horrified by the ambiance. (Modern Family)
  • 3. Samantha (Sex in the City)
  • 4. Bob takes Linda out to STK for what he imagines will be a quiet and sophisticated anniversary meal, only to find out that Tina has taken a secret parttime job as a hostess! They have to spend the entire evening trying to get Tina to leave this life behind, but when they decide to plead with her boss, STK's owner, they find out the man behind the plan is... Louise!? (Bob's Burgers)
  • 5. It's the setting for one of Mindy's terrible blind dates in a terrible blind date montage. (The Mindy Project)
  • 6. Wide shot of NYC. Corner of 14th and 3rd, two drunk NYU students stumble back to their dorm when they happen upon a dead toddler wearing high heels and a sparkly red shift. Fast forward, Benson and Stabler discover STK is a cover for ring of baby prostitutes. Twist? Their pimp is an alley cat. (L&O SVU)
  • Image via mikeledray / Shutterstock.