Congrats, you are the final person not posting a constant stream of selfies!
Two wacky women in Los Angeles set up a blog to show off their super cute, super expensive, and super fun fashion. Sounds pretty mundane, but no, this blog has an adorable twist — the ladies themselves aren't actually posing in the pictures, it's their children! Their sons and daughters are walking, talking (when expressly allowed, of course) baby mannequins, ready to be jammed into jeggings and smushed into playful summer smocks so their pictures can be fawned over on the internet by the same women who posted them. Donning leggings that cost more than your car, the children stare dead-eyed into the camera, presumably terrified of angering the beasts behind it, and get ready for their closeup. Because it's never too early to teach your children vanity, self-obsession, and hyper-consumerism!
First lesson you should always teach your children is that all the world cares about is their image.
Two people agree with me, including Estee Stanley and Jenni Kayne, BFF stylists and designers who are so "in love with dressing their kids, and admiring other little one's outfits" that they created Ladys & Gents "to showcase kid's looks at their best, from a giant tutu at ballet class to a vintage shirt and paint-splattered jeans on the playground."
First question, do the "other little ones'" parents know their photos are up on this blog, or are Stanley and Kayne hiding beneath slides and popping out of sandpits with their iPhones to catch the kids, pap-style. That's my first question.
My second question is: WHAT WHY HOW WHO WHERE WHAT HUH?
Although Racked LA extolls Ladys & Gents as the "inspirational and aspirational new street style blog", I'm wondering if it's actually just an overblown internet version of the classic baby photo album. Isn't this what Facebook and Pinterest are for? Do we really need a website to show the world what your toddler puked up on this morning? It's not like five-year-olds are cruising the web before school and putting together outfits to David Bowie's "Fashion". Or is that something we want them to start doing?
Perusing the gallery of photos, it starts to get plenty hilarious. The kids are cute (they're kids!) and I'm not here to say anything except kind words about them, but the whole project is so Los Angeles-style bananas. It's like these ladies spent one too many days on the Malibu beach sketching huaraches for their fall collections while wearing the wrong SPF. Now the smog is eating their green juice-filled brains, and they can't stop buying overpriced cabana wear for toddlers*.
One child models an outfit made entirely of bows, and another sports the popped collar of an 80s teen movie villan named Chet. Another photo has a kid sitting on the beach wearing pants made out of hackey sack and a tie. A CHILD IS WEARING A TIE AT THE BEACH. In another, a kid is dressed as an Alcatraz escapee. Oh, and Carmen Miranda's toddler assistant. And a sherpa.
Do I want all of these clothes for my own? Absolutely. Do I know any toddler who would last in these outfits for longer than five minutes? Absolutely not.
According to Racked LA, popular pieces on the site include luxe, Frenchy dresses by Bonpoint and Isabel Marant as well as goods by Petite Bateau, J.Crew, Stella McCartney, Nico Nico, Ralph Lauren, and Gap.
That Bonpoint store has CHILDREN'S SHORTS that use about as much fabric as a pocket square and cost 109.32 Euros. I think with the current conversion rate that's about ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
You know what? No. If you spend more than $50 on any item of kid's clothing for your own child, you are an asshole. And honestly, if you spend more than $10 on any item of kid's clothing for your own child, you are dangerously close to being an asshole. No child should own anything by a designer I can't afford, and unless it's a gift, it seems like gently used clothing from Goodwill and Thrift Town are the best way to go. Of course, that's not always possible, and there are many exceptions, but I'm gonna go ahead and make a pretty bold statement about children's clothing: It should cost you as close to no money as possible.
I wish we could submit some photos of the children in our lives because I want to send some of my niece in:
First photo featuring my niece in a technicolor onesie (originally white), caption:
Onesie: Old Navy, via Goodwill Super Store
Next photo showcases my niece in a dirty dress and matching dirty tights (because they're both dirty):
Dress: Free pile (tag missing)
Tights: Old Navy, via Goodwill
Next photo, my niece looks comfy in a casual "work from home" ensemb:
T-shirt: Her mom's old slutty crop top, Wet Seal
And so on, and so forth.
Listen, people can spend their copious amounts of spare time doing whatever the fuck they want, but spending this much money on something a kid wears for less than a year is inexcusable. We all waste money on things that make us happy, and we absolutely should, but there is a point of excess that's ridiculous, and blogging your children's exorbitantly expensive French bébé clothes is that point. I'm pretty sure you could feed me for a week** on the money they regularly spend on hand-sewn bikinis and tartan kilts for toddlers. From the looks of it, these people are fairly regularly spending hundreds of dollars on clothing for kids... aren't they a little embarrassed? Even if some of it is gifts, I feel like if I were filthy rich and this was my secret shame, I would hide the bills away and tell everyone I found the clothes in a trash can.
Ladies, if you want to keep photo albums of your kids, you should! They're absolutely adorable, and that's a totally normal thing to do, so just make a Pinterest like everyone else. You don't need a blog with a "PRESS" section (presumptuous, but you're welcome!) and a freaking logo, you just need something to send to the children's grandparents so they can forward it to their friends who won't even open it. To get maybe too deep for a second, the world doesn't need blogs that flaunts conspicuous consumerism for kids, or that projects our own adult needs for attention and coolness onto our children. Also, it's just really, really fucking silly.
*That said, I bet they are pretty fun to hang out with.
**And I love to eat!
Image via riaua/ Shutterstock.