Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Last night at the 19th annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, held at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, actors from the small screen rubbed elbows with real live movie stars, and everyone tried to effuse real Hollywood radiance. If we're getting hints about what Oscar night will look like, chances are, we won't see a quirky swan dressses or elaborate Bob Mackie headdresses: The ladies were all about classic silver screen bombshell glamour.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

There was quite a bit of black on the red carpet last night, but it was far from somber. Kelly Osbourne's studded retro gown is indicative of the dazzle.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Black done shiny and matte: Elisabeth Moss, Claire Danes.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

What's an awards show without sideboob, asks Michelle Dockery.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

While classic, black isn't always flattering: See Sigourney Weaver, Anna Gunn, JoBeth Williams. Eesh.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Naya Rivera and Jenna Ushkowitz attempted old Hollywood steez, with the former doing a better job than the latter. And yes, that is Tyler from Vampire Diaries.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Unadorned: Jamie Alexander. Encrusted: Clea Duvall.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Leather: Jane Lynch, Julie Bowen.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Bombshell babes: Amy Poehler, Tina Fey. They're both looking seriously hot lately. Every woman should long to be over 40.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

January Jones left her dinner napkin tucked in. No likey.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Daring to be different: Julianna Margulies, Glee's Alex Newell.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Moving up the ranks in order to be your new number one girlcrush: The flawless Morena Baccarin.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

I'd like to think Mal gave Inara this awesome lizard.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Best black gown of the night: Anne Hathaway. Even if we have had it up to here with mesh/lace/see-through/illusion panels.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Divine.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Dark lace, done so-so: Jenna Elfman, Edie Falco, Angela Kinsey.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Not black, but still deep hues on Jackie Weaver, Carmen Electra, Amber Riley .

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Metallic touches: Gloria Ruben, Gabby Douglas, Jenna Fischer.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Midnight blues: Jessica Lange, Nicole Kidman.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Military blue: Jennifer Lawrence .

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Splendid Egyptian blue on Amanda Seyfried's curves. Perfection: The hair, the ruffles, the necklace… So right.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Jessica Paré picked the color of 2013, emerald.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Also in emerald: Gretchen Mol. Busy Phillips went for shades of the sea.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

MAN BREAK! We interrupt our regularly scheduled gowns to bring you some dapper dudes. For instance: John Slattery, Jon Hamm.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Victor Garber, Rupert Friend, Mandy Patinkin.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Maulik Pancholy, John Krasinski, Ben the Aflac duck, Daniel Day-Lewis.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Nolan Gould, Ty Burrell, Eric Stonestreet, Russell Crowe, Rico (and Raini) Rodriguez.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Javier Bardem, NPH, Hal Holbrook.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

JT, the man charged with bringing sexy back.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Delicious English toffee Eddie Redmayne.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Aaron Paul, Harry Shum Jr., Chris Messina.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Mark Salling, Chris Tucker, Chord Overstreet, Cory Monteith .

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Alec Baldwin… and back to the gowns: Hilaria Thomas in scarlet.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Also in traffic-stopping red: Maria Menounos.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Best red of the night: Jessica Chastain. True old-Hollywood elegance.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Also, her hair looks fabulous like this. Hopefully she will never try that awful Golden Globes do again.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Shades of crimson: Annie Parisse, Idina Menzel (with hubby Taye Diggs).

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Jane Krakowski chose apricot, while Kaley Cuoco looked oddly short in a gown the wrong length. Plus, the hair looks singed and severe. Fail.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Kicking things up a notch in hot pink: Frieda Pinto, Nina Dobrev. Both went for modest coverage, but Nina's gown is so much better… Frieda's neckline is messy.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Eye-popping pink on Lea Michele.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Pretty in Pink fans: In the Lea Michele/Cory Monteith relationship, is he Duckie or Blaine?

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Vivid violet on Sally Field and Sarah Hyland.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Awesome hair and gown: Teyonah Parris.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Marion Cotillard picked a rather unusual dress — the hemline is all over the place — but the sash and the pockets and the French blue hue just work.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

The word that comes to mind when gazing upon Jordin Sparks: Clingy.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Bright blues for Guiliana Rancic and Kate Flannery.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Even brighter: Mayim Bialik, Heather Morris.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Expanding the palette and going for goddess-draping: Viola Davis, Melissa Rauch, Shaun Robinson.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

A few different hues of green, all done well: Alexis Bledel, Melanie Lynskey, Alfre Woodard, Mackenzie Aladjem.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Solid gold: Jennifer Garner. Glam.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Moving away from the brights and on to the softer hues, Kiernan Shipka was pretty as a picture in pale pink.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Ariel Winter: Princessy and age-appropriate.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Ellie Kemper: Minty fresh but kind of meh.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Sweet, whispery-light pastels: Rose Byrne, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, Zuleikha Robinson.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Neutral, but not boring: Kerry Bishe, Jennifer Westfeldt, Katrina Bowden.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Variations on the soft/neutral theme: Victoria Rowell, Renee Bargh, Meg Chambers Steedle.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Yes, Julianne Moore. Yes.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Mesmerizing mermaid chic: Julia Stiles.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Silvery icy gorgeousness on Naomi Watts.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Naomi and Liev look so good together! Helen Hunt was also silvery, sparkly and great.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Dig the accessories, Vanessa Lengies.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Bombshell of all bombshells, in white: Sofia Vergara. Head for cover.

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

Even prettier was the white gown on Jayma Mays. Paillettes!

Classic Glamour and Fugly Failures at the SAG Awards

But my pick for best white dress? The almost-but-not-quite bridal number on Kerry Washington. Bustier, lace, details, can't knock the bustle. Sublime. Her only crime? The closed-toe shoe.

Images via Getty.