If you're of a paranoid disposition, you're probably warning yourself right now that this article runs the risk of discussing something gruesome, such as sausage made of puppies. "Oh my god," you might be thinking, "is that what they do with the Puppy Bowl puppies after the Puppy Bowl? They turn them into sausage?" No, they don't — stop being so macabre. This article has nothing to do with the dark world behind the manufacture of puppy sausage. That's a topic better left to a 60 Minutes expose featuring Leslie Stahl and a lot of blacked-out puppy meat salumieres.
No, no — what we're concerned about here is how exactly the Puppy Bowl puppies are so compliant. Are they drugged? If so, what drugs and if I give them to my dog, will my dog be as well behaved as a Puppy Bowler? This year's contest in cute will also feature hedgehogs, and one has to worry that kittens or puppies, being vivacious little predators, would try to harm the poor hedgehogs somehow. Are the necessary precautions being taken? Is Cesar Millan taking them? Because I don't trust that guy. He doesn't seem like a friend to the hedgehog.