You may remember the delightful Generations Radio duo Kevin Swanson and Dave Buehner as the super-conservative wackadoos who hated and wanted to eat the Muppets. Now, they want you to know that giving your daughter the gift of upper schooling will launch her esteemed future in "selfish, narcissistic, family-destroying whoring." (Feminism. He means feminism.) Swanson and Buehner, who are obviously women's issue scholars, also inform listeners that there are actually two sects of these man-hating, godless harpies to look out for:

There are two forms of feminism, and it actually has to do with a division of how attractive a woman is.

Oh, right, the feminst discourse that Germaine Greer and Gloria Steinem once discussed passionately and at length until their café au laits got cold. Tell me more.

So, you have the group that is very attractive, they're in the sororities, they're gonna be in the beauty contests. They're actually going to get the good jobs. They're going to leverage their attractiveness in the marketplace because it has a market value. Marketing. It helps market who you are. They're going to proceed, now they will probably some of them become the Sarah Palin-style feminists, they'll get themselves a husband, but they'll never be dependent on the husband, they'll never submit to the husband, in fact they will use their power probably to make their husband submit to them.

So that's... the good kind? Verdict: Whore (?) On the other hand, the second group is:

Attractively challenged. Optically challenged. These are the kinds that will look for careers mostly likely in academia [and] they're generally very angry about it because their attractive…or their lack of attractiveness has not given them access to power that they wanted in the marketplace... Academia's actually the best place because you can be angry, ugly and you can also get tenure.

Which brings us back to those Ugly Academic Women who hand out flyers about the patriarchy at the Au Bon Pain on campus when they're not in class doing a Vulcan mind-meld on your daughter. Verdict: SUPER Whore.

Which one are you?! Is there an online test for this? Like the electronic Sorting Hat quiz from Harry Potter?

'Jesus: Don't Let Your Daughters Go To College To Turn Into Ugly Feminist Whores' [Wonkette]
'Conservative Radio Hosts Parse Feminists: Some are 'Cute,' Some are 'Ugly,' All are 'Family-Destroying Whores' [Right Wing Watch]