Like that candy corn in the crack of your sofa cushions, the movie Cool Runnings or the actor Michael Caine, this is slightly old and yet important: When Jennifer Lawrence sat down with David Letterman Thursday, he procured a paparazzi photo of her in a bikini so that she could "answer" for her saggy butt. JLaw claimed that the offending derrière was an impostor: "It's not my butt and I will not take responsibility for it. It's a 90-year-old butt that's been photoshopped onto my body, and is posing as my butt."
The following day, other photos of Lawrence's bikini-ed ass from a different beach trip were leaked in order to discredit the first ass. Or something. WHO CARES. Also, Dave Letterman, I am disappointed in you. Your total screen time adds up to the comprehensive age of a toddler and your 'nads are probably down to your ankles. So shut your trap. [NYDN, The Superficial]
JLaw was also on Saturday Night Live over the weekend and apparently she was a good sport but that shit blew. Nevertheless, steady ratings for SNL. [Vulture]
Katie Couric has snagged the first interview with Manti Te'o in the wake of Fakegirlfriendgate, who will appear with his parents Brian and Otillia on Katie to discuss the already-infamous Internet hoax involving a made-up girl named Lennay Kekua who supposedly died of cancer before Te'o could meet her (in an ESPN interview, Te'o admitted that ""I kind of tailored my stories to have people think that, yeah, he met her before she passed away.") Meanwhile, in her Hawaiian getaway, Oprah screams "DAMN YOU, KATIE COO!" [ABC News]
A "source" says it finally sunk into Taylor Swift sun-kissed head that everyone knows about her love life and she is now "mortified."
At first Taylor just thought it was funny how much interest people had in her love life and she went along with it. But now she's the butt of jokes on Saturday Night Live, in the tabloids and on the late night shows. She laughed it off, but the jokes made about her at the Golden Globes got under her skin. It's finally hit home with Taylor. She really wants to make an effort to slow down and not jump from boyfriend to boyfriend. In a weird way all the negative press has really opened her eyes and will be good for her!"
No! No! Keep doing you! Did The Cloonster ever settle down? Heeeeeellll no. [Radar Online]
Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens are BFFs 4 E and E and E and E. [People]
James Franco and his Spring Breakers co-star Ashley Benson made a weird jokey video where they roam through a house and he lip-synchs Justin Bieber's "Boyfriend" with a Beebs-esque baseball cap on. At Sundance, he admits: ''I was asked to take it down by some people. Bieber didn't contact me, but I don't think he was too happy. I wasn't trying to dis him." One can only assume the two were
under the influence of something that rhymes with "shlarijuana" and is the same thing that probably made them nap during Skyfall. [E!]
And on his new film, a documentary called Kink:
"Sex and sexuality are such big parts of our lives - the ways that we define ourselves, the ways that we interact with each other. Even if you insist on living an incredibly chaste life and you're chaste in your thoughts, that's a conscious and concerted effort to keep sex from your thoughts. So you're still engaging with sex even if it's in a negative capacity. [...] This is for all the 50 Shades of Grey fans. This is what you're reading about. This is the real thing. This is what it looks like. This isn't the dime store version of bondage. This is what bondage is like."
Drew Barrymore is determined to do right by her daughter Olive: "I will be there at 3 pm in the school line waiting to pick her up, that's first and foremost. I think that's as a kid what I craved the most, was just believing that was going to be there. I think the world offers so many wonderful varieties of obstacles but that shouldn't be one for kids – is the worry that my parent won't be there." [Showbiz Spy]
- Zoey 101 star Matthew Underwood won't go to jail following his marijuana arrest. [TMZ]
- On their way to a Mensa meeting, presumably, "Khloe [Kardashian] jiggles Kim [Kardashian's] breast on a drunken night out in Kardashians Miami show premiere." [Daily Mail]
- Speaking of which, Kris Jenner got swatted over the weekend:
- Barbara Walters fell and cut her head at an inaugural party in Washington D.C. and spent the evening in the hospital under observation. :( [Fox News]
- The Batmobile was auctioned off for $4.6 million. ("Sold! To the person whose childhood never really ended!") [Yahoo Sports]
- Real Housewives of Miami's Alexia Echevarria is suing her insurance broker over $2 million in medical bills for her son's car crash. [TMZ]
- Leonardo DiCaprio is planning a long hiatus from acting. [Daily Mail]
- 17-year-old rapper Chief Keef is being sued for child support by a middle schooler in Chicago. [TMZ]
- J.J. Abrams will make a Lance Armstrong biopic. [Rolling Stone]
- Harry Styles' mom wishes he wouldn't keep getting tattoos: "She thinks he's getting addicted to sitting in the artist's chair. She's concerned about the lasting effects of the scribbles all over his body and thinks he could live to regret some of them." [Yahoo OMG UK]
- Jerry Seinfeld is collaborating with hip hop artist Wale on an album (??). [Rolling Stone]
- This is a photo Stacy Keibler Instagrammed of a pregnant Jenna Dewan-Tatum because the world is small, and does this mean El Clooño and Chay Tates are friends?!? [Us Weekly]
- Just after President Obama's intimate swearing-in ceremony at the White House, Malia was overheard saying: "I'm so happy. Yay!" And Sasha: "Good job, Dad... you didn't mess up." [People]
- Matthew McConaughey is slowly going to get back to normal weight again after a hella scary underweight year for his role as an AIDS patient in Dallas Buyers Club. [Page Six]
- Madonna and her new trainer are releasing a series of workout DVDs to try to knock Madge's former trainer Tracy Anderson off her throne. Except they're called "Hard Candy Fitness: Addicted to Sweat," so... no? [Page Six]
- Shawty Lo was NOT arrested, despite reports yesterday. [XXL Mag]
- Yes, Mark Wahlberg sings that terrible song from Boogie Nights!!! YOU GOT THE TOUCH!! YOU GOT THE POWER!!! [NYDN]
- Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart got a little brown boxer puppy and named it Bear. [Us Weekly]
- Selena Gomez's life without Justin Bieber, she told concertgoers, has been "weird and sad and cool." [Us Weekly]
- Shortly after Robert Redford called out Paris Hilton for running around Sundance for no good reason and generally being useless, Paris arrived in Park City "in full-out diva mode." [Page Six]