College Grad Rick Santorum Insists That Colleges ‘Indoctrinate’ Students Against Jesus

In the wee small hours of the morning, you no doubt find yourself wondering what happened to the motley cast of characters from the 2012 Republican Presidential Primary. Have they gone off to star in their own unsuccessful spin-offs or are they smoking meth with a vagrant named Dingo in a paddle boat drifting down the murky waters of Los Angeles' Venice Canal? Or are they calling into ultra-conservative radio shows for verbal handjobs from the hosts? That's what taxidermied sweater vest Rick Santorum did on Tuesday when he called into Tony Perkins' "Washington Watch" to discuss the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade and just remind listeners that he's still a giant goober.

Santorum and Perkins vomited in one another's open mouths for a little while about how pro-choice Americans are godless Huns whose only goal is to break apart the reincarnation of the pious Roman Empire that is the United States. Then Santorum played some of his greatest campaign hits, insisting Hollywood and college have conspired to exile Jesus from America:

If you look at the popular culture and what comes out of Hollywood, if you go to our schools and particularly our colleges and universities, they are indoctrinated in a sea of relativism and a sea of antagonism towards Christianity.
Abortion is a symptom. Marriage is a symptom. Pornography [is a symptom]. All of these are symptoms to the fundamental issue that we've gotten away from the truth and the 'Truth-Giver.'

What's especially hilarious about Santorum's college indoctrination talking point is that, back before Santorum was sexualizing pro-wrestling in Pennsylvania, he was racking up a whole bushel of college degrees, piling an MBA from the University of Pittsburgh and a JD from Dickinson School of Law onto his BA from Penn State. So, does that mean that Rick Santorum narrowly escaped the gnashing jaws of college indoctrination, or that he's employing a subtle reverse indoctrination technique on the unassuming public by being such an asshole that people will want to seek refuge in the erudite discourse offered by higher education, not realizing that they've just signed themselves up for voluntary brainwashing? Oh, Rick Santorum, you slippery rodent — how clever of you!

Each time Rick Santorum pries open his jaw to say some shitty thing about same-sex marriage or college indoctrination, I imagine that he's just going to start singing ABBA. Let me tell you, it's a huge letdown when that doesn't happen.

Rick Santorum Blames Gay Marriage, Abortion and Porn Ideals on College Indoctrination [HuffPo]