OK, we need to walk through what just happened. I think it was Jodie Foster refusing to come out as she came out, and then retiring. I think? I was crying, but I wasn't sure why, and then I was laughing, but I wasn't sure why. I think maybe Jodie Foster felt the same way. Also, she was possibly kinda drunk.

I know Foster was speaking out against all of the speculation about her sexuality — and famous people's sexuality in general — and how it's nobody's business. Which it isn't, but also, how can we not talk about what just went down? It sounds like she endured a pretty traumatic break-up recently, and is in a place of new beginnings, and I'm down to support the authentic Jodie Foster in whatever she does. Let's do this, Foster.

Just: Damn. A roller coaster ride of a speech, my friends.