We're kicking off awards season with the 2013 Golden Globes! Also known as the most fun, celebrity-laden and ultimately meaningless (awards-wise) show of the whole lot. It's time to talk dresses, predictions, winners, more dresses, losers, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (!!!), and even more dresses. Grab your champagne and Golden Globes-themed snacks (they're a thing?) and let's get this party started.
As an update, here's our nominees, what are your predictions for the evening? Put 'em in below and let's do a pool! I don't know much but I'm pretty sure Lincoln for Best Pic (Drama) and Les Mis for Best Pic (Musical or Comedy). Jessica Chastain for Best Actress (Drama) and DDL for Best Actor (Drama). I'm not gonna make any bets on anything else. Let's go!
Jack Black with his mom. Pretty cute.
This photo of Aziz Ansari from his Instagram earlier today is adoraaaable.
It's Julia Louis-Dreyfus' birthday! Happy Birthday, gorgeous funny person!
Here's Kristen Bell kissing Dax Shepherd, the father of her soon-to-be baybee.
Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta. The dress is pretty, but kinda boring?
Tina and Amy talking about their Golden Globes drinking game — I hope everyone has their meatball subs ready!
Jennifer Lawrence. Beautiful girl, the Dior dress looks like it's eating her boobs. Taking about the Hunger Games and its crazy ass fans. (Hi Jennifer!)
Lena Dunham is funny:
Amy's trousers! Love!
Daniel Day Lewis is not acting like Lincoln, so I guess that means he's done with the DVD commentary and can finally break character. His wife (?) looks at him skeptically while he talks about acting. Roll those eyes, girl.
Julianne Moore. Those lips! Love a red lip on a redhead. I hope she and Tina Fey have a Sarah Palin-off sometime during the telecast.
Adele's eyes! I like the jeweled neck on the Burberry dress, but I wish we could see her in color sometime. She's aprox. 50 feet taller than Roker.
Denzel Washington's daughter Olivia's earrings! Love. Their relationship looks incredibly sweet and 4 real.
Don't have TV? It looks like you can watch the ceremony online here. Anyone using this? Does it work? Is it legal? It looks legal?
Helen Mirren. I don't care what anyone says, I love that Badgley Mischka dress, it's 80s bedazzled fabulous. Or what would you call that? And old jean jacket refashioned as a dress? Whatever it is, it's wonderful.
Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein. Simple, great color, love the plunge and structure. She must be freezing.
Sophia Vergara is excited about eating and drinking with the cast of Modern Family. I'd be into that, too. Her dress is pretty, kinda boring, maybe more sparkly and wonderful in person?
Tina and Amy are the two funniest women Jay Leno knows.
Twitter is being obnoxious: lots of blah blah blahing about how Hugh Jackman's longtime wife is his beard.
I think Olivia Munn's dress is repurposed shell art, but I kinda dig it?
Grab your meatball subs and cough syrup, it's starting!
Tina's hair! Looks so hot. Love Amy's dress.
Amy: "Big year for women in film. Kathryn Bigelow nominated tonight. I don't know much about the film, but when it comes to torture, I trust the woman who was married to James Cameron for three years."
I'm really enjoying this! Amy is killing it.
A Palin-off!! It might be happening!
It didn't happen. :(
DDL phones home
Kate Hudson's dress is the skexy younger sister of Helen Mirren's dress. Annnd Best Supporting Actor (Drama) goes to: Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained!
The audience is so loud. They're probably all smashed. Are you wasted yet?
Michael J. Fox's son looks so much like him. Did anyone watch any of these miniseries? Where was Liz and Dick? JK. Game Change took it!
Darcy St. Fudge was robbed!
LiLo is en fuego tonight (FOLLOW HER!!!11):
Wait, what just happened with the sound? We're on Best TV Series - Drama. Come on, Breaking Bad! Or Downton Abbey!
Oh, it's Homeland. Claire Danes really stands out in that va-va-voom red dress in a sea of black.
Jennifer Lopez is wearing the Britney Spears see-through performance catsuit from the 2003 Grammys (or whenever), right? Whatever, she looks damn good for someone who just took a bath in Vaseline. Life of Pi takes Best Original Score.
Best Original Song goes to Skyfall! Get up there, Adele, you beautiful songbird! Damn, Lopez's dress from behind AWOOGA.
Cumberbatch better take this. Or Damien Francisco!
Dammit, it's Costner for Hatfields & McCoys.
It's the big dog?! Bill Clinton introduces Lincoln.
Amy: "What an exciting special guest, that was Hillary's husband!" <3333
Will Ferrell and Kristin Wiig awarding Best Actress in a musical or comedy. Mary-el Streep! You get out of here!
Jennifer Lawrence takes it for Silver Linings Playbook. What was that Meryl Streep joke? Have some respect. Harvey Weinstein joke - drink!
Retta speaks some truth:
Kristen Bell rocking the baby bump, I love that sparkly insanity.
Jamie Foxx is just up there talking about how great the movie he's in is. Alright.
Megan Fox's earrings! Jonah Hill standing next to Megan Fox and calling her babe is what's wrong with Hollywood.
Best Supporting Actress goes to Anne Hathaway for the five minutes she was in Les Mis! I bet this is not her last award this season.
Amanda Seyfried is a sexy doily. Best Screenplay (Motion Picture) goes to Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained. No Tony Kushner? Er, OK. Also: Damn, Quentin, it's called a comb, invest in one before awards season. Other than that, super fun guy, didn't understand pretty much anything he said.
Lucy Liu and Debra Messing are wearing exact opposite couch-dresses. Don Cheadle wins Best Actor TV Series (comedy or musical) and is so cute with his wife and kids.
This is the part of the telecast that everyone goes to the bathroom because nobody in this whole audience saw Amour. (I am also going to the bathroom.)
Leah Michelle is Dayglo. Best Actress in Television Drama goes to Claire Danes, who appears to be accepting as Carrie Mathison. Homeland is really taking this thing home tonight.
Who else is ready for more Tina and Amy? Getting a leeeeetle bored.
Jason Batemen carries out Aziz Ansari, who got high with the cast of Downton Abbey backstage before he came out. I'm confused by what's happening, but I'm really enjoying it.
Lena Dunham takes Best Actress in a TV Series (Comedy or Musical)!
Amy Poehler laughing with Clooney <3
The ladies are back! And they've been drinking. They just took it to the next level. More, more, more!
Even Glenn Close is getting tipsy.
Jodie Foster is absolutely gorgeous. I love her hair.
Wait, hold the phone. Is she coming out publicly? Did the sound just go out? I am on the edge of my seat! Is she giving a speech about the pap and the media? This is getting real. She is not doing a reality show, OK? Dissertations are going to be written about this speech.
Is she saying that coming out is going to ruin her carrer? This speech just got even more dark and twisty, it's kind-of a break-up speech, I think? Even Robert Downey, Jr. just gave her a "Wow." Wow, indeed. Well, I hope we see a lot more Jodie Foster in the future, and her true self, and yeah. Wow.
Some Jodie Foster speech reactions
How is Halle Berry not talking about Jodie Foster?
Ben Affleck wins Best Director for Argo.
Best TV Comedy goes to Girls (and Robyn!). Oh, and there goes Judd Apatow. Tepid applause from the audience. Shout out to nakedness! Also, that's how I feel in high heels, SOLIDARITY.
Best Actor Comedy or Musical goes to Hugh Jackman. Duh.
Is Jeremy Renner in the middle of growing out his mustache?
Best Comedy or Musical time! And it's Les Mis! Everyone drink, or cry, or puke, or whatever. This thing is almost over. Anne Hathaway is making out with the rest of the cast in the background. Always make sure you're in shot, girl!
George Clooney gives the Best Actress statue for Drama to Jessica Chastain. (Also, Rachel Weisz was nominated for Deep Blue Sea, wasn't that the Samuel L. Jackson and LL Cool J shark movie from the the 90s?) This is a good evening for redheads everywhere. She gives a lovely "shout out" to Bigelow and her grandmother.
Best Actor for Drama goes to Daniel Day Lewis for Lincoln. Which I already typed before Clooney said it because double duh. Do you think he's the tallest person there? Or just close to it?
Also: YOU ARE NOT AN EX PRESIDENT, DDL.
Lovely nod to Tony Kushner, who probably wrote everything that's coming out of his mouth.
Julia Roberts in a dress we all own delivers Best Motion Picture Drama to Argo. Which I did not guess was coming.
Another fun game for the next two minutes:
Amy Poehler: Thank you and good night, we're now going home with Jodie Foster!
And, with that, we did it! High five! An evening of highs and lows, laughter and tears, extreme deep v-necks and overworked bedazzlers. Now, all we have to look forward to is analyzing the dresses and deconstructing Jodie Foster's speech. Goodnight, and good luck!