I don't know how I missed LittleFlower's Ode to Modesty but I'm sure glad I found it:
This Rabbi's mansplaining is perfectly normal:
He's right when he says that my hair is unkempt,
The Torah reveals that Yahweh wants us formal,
So friends, there's no need to be stressed or verklempt.
The question of virtue is often subjective,
For Atheist, Christian or Muslim or Jew,
Unless to "slut-shame" is your central objective:
It's clearly the case with this Rabbi I knew...
For thoughts on the body, there's nothing diviner
Than turning to someone whose scripture he knows;
No, nothing is better than words from Aviner,
Who'll cover your bodies from necks to elbows.
And if you're a toddler who likes wearing clothing,
Well then, little one, you are shit out of luck,
'Cause nothing fills Schlomo with more sense of loathing
Than women who don't heed the words of this schmuck.
All the ladies and girls can now stop feeling vexed
(If your skirts are too short, check their length with a chair)
Then you, too, will escape such a chance to be sexed,
When your buttons are zips and you've braided that hair.
Perhaps one good thing will be gorging on food:
More pitta bread please, and with lots more hummus!
And then, when we want to avoid looking lewd,
We'll just cloak ourselves, head to toe, in muumuus.
Yes, this rabbi is right, though his methods are stranger -
You'll have to forgive him for beating his drum -
In these modern times, exposed flesh is a danger,
And nothing is sweeter than girls who stay frum.
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