In America, we have the Swagger Wagon, but in the UK, they have the Family Fiat, a significantly smaller, edgier, and more PG-13 version of the star-spangled family truckster that's so big children can practice soccer in it on their way to a soccer game. Fiat, the jaunty little Italian car-cobbler, has launched a raptastic ad in which a suburban British mom freestyles about faking orgasms, her swollen milk ducts, her "snot-stain sack" of a purse, and wading elbow-deep in baby shit. The saving grace of her frenetic, chore-filled life? The new Fiat 500L, of course, which somehow manages to hold three kids, gardening tools, two bemused West Highland white terriers, and an absent husband who's no doubt dropping the sick beat and playing the Dr. Dre to this woman's Ice Cube.
The gist of this lyrical styling of motherhood is that, in so many words, motherhood sucks. Rap Mom seems completely beleaguered and, quite frankly, is pretty pissed that her children are such sticky, destructive monsters, that her husband is such a selfish lover, and that the only solace she can take in this social and biological prison sentence we innocuously term "motherhood" is a tiny car. And it's white! White cars are impossible to clean, which bit of common knowledge should tip us off to the fact that this woman seems to be making even more problems for herself. I mean, who wouldn't be angry if they had to clean poop and popsicle handprints off their car door? Far better to go with a camouflaging Fiat color like Metallic Mud Pit or Desert Sunset Smear because kids are tiny, dream-devouring cretins with an insatiable, Neolithic urge to cave-paint on any available surface.