To the chagrin of high school teachers across America, Baz Luhrmann's glamorous, color-saturated adaptation of The Great Gatsby will soon offer a fun shortcut for 10th grade English classes trying to slog through Fitzgerald's classic. And it'll have Jay-Z songs in it!
Six pretty art-deco-y posters of the main characters have been released, and to honor the book's place on syllabi everywhere, we have an imaginary conversation with a pretend high-schooler about each character's role in the masterpiece. Or, like, up to page 27, which is about as far as most kids get.
That's the one who plays tennis. Jordin Sparks, right?
Her name's Jordan Baker, actually.
Oh, yeah. Is that gonna be on the test?
I have no idea who this dude is, but I think that's the guy from Warrior.
Yes! Joel Edgerton, playing the book's antagonist, Tom Buchanan.
Warrior was awesome.
You know what would make West Egg way cooler?
Mixed martial arts ahaha :DDDDD >:D
If you say so.
This is that sad-ass lady, Myrtle Wilson. She actually reminds me of my mom, kinda.
I'm not gonna touch that. But in real life this actress is married to Sacha Baron Cohen.
You know what would make West Egg actually WAY WAY cooler is Borat, LOLOL.
I'm getting bored.
We're almost done.
How does it feel when you do sex to a person?
I'll tell you when you're older.
How long is this movie gonna be?
Oh, a goodly few hours, why?
I dunno. Is there a Wishbone of it? Maybe I'll just watch the Wishbone.
There's not, unfortunately.
OK, and that's the guy who goes at the end, like... "'Tis a far, far better thing I do, than I have ever done in my life," or whatever.
Um, nope! That's from A Tale of Two Cities.
Whatever. Can I go sit in the mall food court with my friends for 6 hours now?