Chinese Government Arrests 1000 Members of Doomsday Cult Waiting for 'Female Jesus'S

Wooooo! Female Jesus! Girl power!!! Doomsday cult! Three days of darkness! Mass extinctio—

...eh. This got way less fun really fast.

The Chinese government has labeled Christian group Almighty God an "evil cult" (the same designation they give to Falun Gong) and detained almost 1000 of their members. To be fair, Almighty God has been preaching that the world is ending tomorrow, ushering in three days of darkness, and that their followers should use the remaining daylight to overthrow the government. I'm not saying I'm a Chinese government superfan, but I'm saying that I get the logic.

Almighty God has told its believers that the apocalypse will usher in a new era presided over by a "female Jesus", according to the Chinese newspaper Global Times.

The group has been attacked by Chinese media which variously accuses female members of using "sex communication" to ensnare single men, of banning followers from carrying mobile phones and of using pseudonyms to conceal their real identities.

Little is known about the group, which state media said was formed about 20 years ago in the central Henan province.

For the record, everyone on earth, "doomsday" is not happening tomorrow. It is happening CONSTANTLY ALL AROUND US IN SLOW MOTION. So recycle. Or something. I don't know. We're doomed.

FEMALE JESUS! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Image via Igor Zh./Shutterstock.