How about a change of pace? Ahem. You make me sick, you lazy socialist kitty-cats! Just lounging around Ernest Hemingway's Key West museum compound, having six toes and getting fat on government-subsidized Meow Mix like hardworking Real Americans owe you a living. Not in my America! In my America it's time for you to GET A CAT JOB. (Ideas for cat jobs: Yarn de-baller. Famous cat lookalike, for parties. Swordfighting rogue. DMV clerk.)
Anyway, apparently some others agree with me that these Hemingway cats need fewer hand-outs and more regulation:
The federal government is the ultimate master of the roughly 40 cats, many with six toes, that lounge around the Ernest Hemingway Home and Museum in Key West, Fla.
...The cats, some of them kin of Ernest Hemingway's six-toed pet Snowball, have roamed free for generations. Hemingway penned several of his masterpieces at the Key West estate when he called it home in the 1930s.
But in a dispute that goes back nearly a decade, the federal government has maintained that the cats have more in common with performers in a zoo or circus than your typical house cat.
The museum said the USDA sought to make it cage the felines in individual shelters at night, build a higher fence, erect an electrical wire atop the home's brick wall or hire a night watchman to monitor the cats so they couldn't escape, court documents say.
YES, A NIGHT WATCHMAN. TO WATCH THE CATS AND MAKE SURE THEY'RE NOT SPENDING THEIR FOOD STAMPS ON CATNIP. Look, you guys. I'm all for equality. I donate to feline leukemia every year. It's just that these kitty-cats will never achieve the American Dream if we keep enabling their laziness with liver chunks.