We considered reviewing Liz & Dick, but it was just so incredibly bad: Lindsay has zero sparkle, charisma or pizazz in front of the camera; there's absolutely no light in her eyes. The script was horrendous, the music didn't work, the casting — Creed from The Office? Steve from Sex and the City? — was just confusing. But! With 66 costume changes in the 88-minute movie, we can attempt to keep things positive, since it's a kick to check out what she wore. Some of it was fabulous!

One of the first shots we see is Liz reading a magazine by a pool in Hollywood. The buckles, the ruching, the piping on that bathing suit — so great. So of the era.

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Grade: 8 out of 10

Next Liz and Dick are in dead ghost couples therapy or something, where she wears a sheer black top, through which we can see her bra. The good news is, there's smoking in heaven.

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Grade: 3 out of 10

Here's our first look at Lindsay as Liz as Cleopatra. Not bad.

Grade: 6 out of 10

While Liz is still with Eddie Fisher, she shows up at a restaurant in an emerald green taffeta cocktail dress. Great neckline, nice pleats.

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Grade: 7 out of 10

Right before Lindsay as Liz discovers she has a sex scene with Richard Burton as Mark Antony (Did she not read the script? Does she know nothing about Mark Antony and Cleopatra?), she wears a gorgeous hot pink embroidered caftan that some of us would love to blog in. Just add cucumbers!

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Grade: 9 out of 10

The first of many meltdowns happens in a short red one-shoulder frock. Era-appropriate, but also classic enough that you could wear it to your office Christmas party this year.

Grade: 9 out of 10

A man's robe over a black slip, perfect cooking attire.

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Grade: 7 out of 10

Even better? The frothy pink robe and lacy slip that Lindsay as Liz wore as she took a bunch of pills.

Grade: 9 out of 10

Seriously the most fabulous way to arrive at the hospital. OD glamour.

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Grade: 9 out of 10

Pale rosy Cleopatra costume, so beautiful, need in my closet, want.

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Grade: 10 out of 10

Ew. Unless you are a football-playing choir member, this is not right.

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Grade: 1 out of 10

This sweater set — in which Lindsay as Liz cries, "I'm bored!" — appears to be mismatched.

Grade: 3 out of 10

The capri pants were not terrible, however.

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Grade: 5 out of 10

Champagne mink coat and hat. Yes. Gorge.

Grade: 9 out of 10

Ah, with the dress underneath! For a tone-on-tone but not monochromatic effect! Yes!

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Grade: 9 out of 10

Chinchilla stole and oversized sunglasses. Pure retro Hollywood splendor.

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Grade: 9 out of 10

Plaid housedress? Gross. Bring back the caftans! Also, stop slouching.

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Grade: 2 out of 10

That's better: Black silk robe with gold embroidery, the ideal ensemble for collapsing in a fit of frustration and then hurling a bottle across the room.

Grade: 8 out of 10

The black fur hat is a winner. It looks great when drinking directly from the bottle…

When throwing shade…

When pretending to act. The black fur hat remains unruffled, unmoved, formidable. It's all about the black fur hat.

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Grade: 9 out of 10

Another rose petal-colored slip. Part Slut On a Hot Tin Roof and part Butterfield 8. (I love Butterfield 8.)

Grade: 8 out of 10

Dinner-plate hat, empire-waist half-sleeve coat with matching dress and gloves. Meh. Should be exciting, but it's not.

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Grade: 5 out of 10

(Burton's wife had some cute stitching on her skirt suit in the next scene, however.)

Black taffeta dress with ruffled hemline, which Lindsay as Liz wears out to dinner even though no one will associate with her and Dick: Darkly sweet.

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Grade: 7 out of 10

The folks watching with me quite enjoyed this yellow shirtdress worn with a brown polka-dotted tie.

I don't love it, but I get it, the 70s sexy secretary slash Bonnie and Clyde vibe.

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Grade: 6 out of 10

I like this better: Cold-hearted business bitch. Sharply tailored gray accented by a shit ton of jewels.

Grade: 8 out of 10

Incognito in a turban, huge shades, and ruffly trenchcoat. At the desk, she claims she is Mrs. Smith, but flashes those violet eyes so there's no mistake. (Is it just me or did she only have violet contacts in some scenes?)

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Grade: 8 out of 10

The costume designers nailed Elizabeth's yellow wedding dress, although, honestly, Liz looked gorgeous and radiant and Lindsay-Liz looked flat and lackluster.

Grade: 8 out of 10

Opening night at the theater: Hideous, ungainly fox-tail stole.

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Grade: 1 out of 10

The ruby-hued dress underneath? Divine.

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Grade: 9 out of 10

A seafoam Oscars dress induces seasickness. Vom.

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Grade: 2 out of 10

But a vivid red jewel-necked halter gown brings us right back into fierce diva goddess territory.

Grade: 9 out of 10

Ouch.

Mediterranean housewife realness! Almost just like what Dolce & Gabbana has been sending down the runway.

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Grade: 7.5 out of 10

Yacht life requires headscarves, darling. And your own photographer.

Grade: 7 out of 10

ICEBERG, RIGHT AHEAD!

Leopard-print swimsuit in theory: Hell yes.
Leopard-print swimsuit as seen here: Hell no.

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Grade: 4 out of 10

Slinky 70s blouse, possibly made of Qiana? Foxy.

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Grade: 7.5 out of 10

Stripey chevron sundress? Groovy.

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Grade: 7 out of 10

The caftan makes a glorious and triumphant return in marigold.

Look at the magnificent embroidery!

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Grade: 8 out of 10

¡Man-in-full-length-coat-alert!

Another caftan and headscarf combo, though not quite as decadent as I'd like.

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Grade: 6 out of 10

Ivory birthday gown, jewels in hair, all hail the Queen.

Grade: 8 out of 10

Excellent hat. Not as commanding a presence as the black fur hat, but good show.

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Grade: 7 out of 10

Egyptian inspired dress, a throwback to the Cleo days, comfortable enough for lounging, glamorous enough for throwing glasses of vodka.

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Grade: 9 out of 10

California dreaming in a 70s maxi dress. Feeling blue.

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Grade: 6 out of 10

Apricot embellished 70s beauty.

Grade: 7.5 out of 10

Hospital chic, but not quite as romantic as the OD ensemble.

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Grade: 7 out of 10

All the vintage scarves are pretty great, though. That is a paint palette up there!

Grade: 6 out of 10

We didn't get a good look at this wedding dress, but it appears to be a draped grecian ombré gown with a CAPE, and that is seriously insane and sort of terrific.

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Grade: 7.5 out of 10

Approaching legendary 80s icon status. BREATHTAKING.

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Grade: 8 out of 10

THESE HAVE ALWAYS BROUGHT ME LUCK. BITCHES.

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Grade: 9 out of 10

YES YES YES YES.

Grade: 10 out of 10