We're going to play a little game because it's Thanksgiving, which means that you're either reading this locked in the guest room next to all the coats at your Aunt Miriam's house because you stupidly got stoned before the feast and could really use an excuse not to go downstairs, or you're all alone eating turkey cold cuts and could use a pick-me-up. It's a guessing game. I'll name the bizarre crime, and you name the state. Ready? Ahem...no, no — it's not necessarily Florida. Just wait until I give the hint, okay? Here we go: two men have been charged with armed burglary, armed trespassing, theft of livestock and animal cruelty after shooting a family's 30-pound pet turkey named Tom with a bow and arrow. Where did this happen?
Fine, you were right the first time — the turkey killing happened in Florida, more specifically on the Panhandle, and even more specifically in Gulf Breeze, a suburb of Pensacola, the city where, incidentally, Jaws 2 was filmed. The alliteratively-named Tom was one of a whole menagerie of animals that Christa and Brian Caponi kept on their six-acre property in Gulf Breeze, and they loved him, according to the Pensacola News-Journal, as a more conventional suburban family would love a golden retriever.
Santa Rosa County sheriff's deputies arrested Joshua W. Anderson and Jacob H. Provo on Monday as they were on their way to butcher the dead bird just in time for Thanksgiving. The turkey was found in the back of Provo's (of course) pick up truck, and Provo admitted to entering the turkey pen on the Caponi property and shooting the bird in the larcenous spirit of the very first Thanksgiving meal, when smelly Pilgrims stole the new world and enjoyed a feast of deer entrails.
Image via fototechnic/Shutterstock.