Rihanna Apologizes for Imprisoning Journalists in Louche Dionysian Airplane of Terror

I confess, I have not been paying much attention to this Rihanna psychedelic plane-of-iniquity situation. I do not understand what it is, because WHUT, and therefore I choose to ignore it. However, it has come to my attention that Rihanna has now issued an apology for whatever-the-fuck-nü-media-Langoliers-sky-orgy is going on inside her aerocarriage, and I suppose the least I can do is tell you about it. So here you go.

"I know you guys got barely any dirt," she told the disappointed writers. "But I had to be good. I still sound like sh—. It's impossible to spend time with everybody, and I'm sorry I didn't. But this was excellent and I would definitely do it again."

Her plans for a similar tour? "I would do this next time with more people, more cities and sit back the the fans more. . . I had to preserve my health. Normally, I'd be back here popping bottles with y'all . . . I had to preserve my voice. I was worried about my body more than partying on the plane, so I had to just sleep whenever I could. I hope you guys had as much fun as I did."

Apology accepted, RiRi. Apology accepted. For whatever it is we're talking about. [Us]


Rihanna Apologizes for Imprisoning Journalists in Louche Dionysian Airplane of Terror

Oooooooooooo!!! Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick—two grown, cohabitating adults with children—are makin' it official! Because it wasn't official before. It was a sham!!!!! But now, thankfully, they're getting the government involved so that their children can finally have a real family:

"We're all so thrilled they've finally decided to get engaged," Scott's aunt, Laurie Disick dished to Star. "We're all so fond of Kourtney, and we wish them a long, happy marriage."

RadarOnline.com exclusively reported that Scott was shopping for engagement rings at Levinson Jewelers in Fort Lauderdale in late October. "Scott was most definitely shopping for engagement rings," an onlooker exclusively told Radar, "and all of them were large!"

Star reports that Scott was with Kourtney in Paris filming scenes for their reality show and thought that the romantic backdrop would be the perfect place to pop the question.

"Scott's actually been planning to propose for a while," an insider says, "but he just wasn't sure when the moment would be right."

Ohhhhh, kongrats, you krazy kids. [Radar]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand WAIT. E! says it's a lie. Fight, bloidz! Fight! Fight! Fight! Then kill each other and wear each other's skin and we'll see if we can tell the difference! It'll be like Silence of the Lambs meets Freaky Friday. Come ooooooooooon, I'm sooooooooo booooooooooored. [E!]


Rihanna Apologizes for Imprisoning Journalists in Louche Dionysian Airplane of Terror

Model Lauren Scruggs says that getting her face sliced by a propellor was part of "God's plan":

In an interview clip obtained by E! News, Scruggs says her accident and the loss of her hand and eye weren't "something I would've personally chosen for myself," but it "just shows that God has such a different plan."

:-|

"I'm seeing that this life is way bigger than me, and I think a lot of things that I held important earlier-even in my career-were quite shallow. I just want to use what I've been through to talk to young girls and let them know that our appearance is not what defines us," she says.

:-) [E!]


  • Madonna's Upper West Side co-op duplex is on the market if you are like literally a sultan or some shit. [Curbed]
  • Chelsea Clinton is trynna make a baybay (spoiler alert: in her uterus!!!!!!!). [ShowbizSpy]
  • Josh Hutcherson is "back in L.A." and "keeping it casual." [JustJared]
  • Wait, but now Josh Hutcherson is "suited up" in NYC! Which is it, Hutcherson!!!?!? [ONTD]
  • Coco Cox-Arquette is a tiny grown-up. [Us]
  • Oksana Baiul says that shitty agents screwed her out of one million doughlarz because her English isn't so good. [TMZ]
  • Uhhhhhhhh...Wayne Coyne tried to take a hand grenade through airport security. Like ya do. Bright side: greatest tweet ever. [TMZ]
  • Kevin Costner reveals he was worried about making a speech at Whitney Houston's funeral because he "didn't feel qualified." [Express]
  • Trapped in the Closet might be coming to Broadway. With a gun. [ContactMusic]
  • LOOK AT THIS DOG IT'S DRESSED UP LIKE LADY GAGA SO GOODNIGHT. [ABC]