Everyone, Breathe: Twinkies Will Most Likely Survive the Hostapocalypse

The beef-fat filled yellow cancer cake might just survive to murder us from the inside out for generations to come! Rejoice! Although Hostess is imploding like so many Snowballs in your intestines, the company’s most iconic brand might just make it, after all.

The most likely purchasers? Either the people who makes PBR, the good folks who own Tastykakes, or a bunch of bimbos — er, Grupo Bimbo, the world’s largest bread baker. It’d be really interesting if it was the PBR crew, Metropoulos & Co., because they’re rebranding geniuses. They took one of the shittiest beers that you’ve ever vomited into a dorm toilet and made it hip. Hey, maybe one day, a Twinkie will sell for $44 in China.