The Republican party’s seeming inability to avoid saying dumb shit about rape has baffled many this election cycle. But it turns out, that the reason behind the GOP’s rape obsession has been right in front of our noses this entire time. Indeed, you can’t spell the word “Republican Party” without the letters R, A, P, and E. Which got me thinking: how many other secret rape messages lurk in the letters of the party of “No means baby?”
Turns out, a lot. There are literally hundreds of ways the letters in “Republican Party” can be rearranged to spell phrases involving the words “Rape” or “Rapin’.” But for the sake of space, let’s just cover the 25 most hilarious. Or terrible. Hillarible.
- Inaptly Curb Rape — Delightfully descriptive.
- I cry rape lab punt.
- Blur ye Rapin’ Pact — This is something I’d imagine upset pro-life pirates might say.
- Rapin Rape By Cult — You know you’re dealing with a really special rape anagram when both “rapin” and “rape” can be formed from the same set of letters.
- But rape clan, I pry.
- Ulcer rapin’, by Pat. — Pat Robertson’s imaginary forthcoming inappropriate rape simile-titled memoirs, about how he overcame gastrointestinal distress with an aggressive treatment plan.
- Rub City Rape Plan
- Typical Rape Burn — Another way to say “some girls rape easy.” TYPICAL RAPE BURN, LADIES!
- Rapin’ a blue crypt
- Tiny Rape Rap Club
- Treacly Rapin’ Pub — The dropped g makes it more folksy.
- Pa Blunt, I cry rape. — Extra hilarious when you consider that Roy Blunt, the Dick Tracy villain faced junior Senator from Missouri, is responsible for The Blunt Amendment, which would have allowed any employer to deny women contraceptive coverage for any moral or religious reason, perhaps prompting some women with less permissive bosses to, YOU GUESSED IT, cry rape in order to obtain insurance coverage for abortion procedures.
- Burly Rape Catnip — This sounds like the title of a very disturbing gay bear porn film.
- Bye, Rut: Rapin’ Clap — Why do so many of these sound like the title of old Lawrence Welk performer records you can find for 10 cents in a thrift store?
- Rape: A Pricy Blunt — Another Roy Blunt reference. Thank you, English language.
- Rape Cry: Bail, punt. — A typical inept law enforcement response to rape. This shit is getting DaVinci Code.
- Pricy Nut Rape Lab — I’m picturing this rape lab existing in Sarah Palin’s Alaska.
- Rape Ably. Rip cunt. — Yikes, anagrams.
- Rapin’ up by rectal — Double yikes.
- Rape can blur pity — True. Think of the men.
- Rape Party in club — Sounds like the title of an “edgy” Chris Brown album title.
- Rape clip: ya burnt.
You see? The code was there just waiting for us to solve it, A Beautiful Mind style. Now we know why the GOP is so obsessed with rape. It’s baked right into the name.