In Which I Experience a Moral Dilemma Over Running TightsS

For the last few days, my inner monologue has basically been HurricaneHurricaneHurricaneHurricaneHurricane. But now, as the subway is starting to run and my thought tubes are becoming unclogged, I’ve found time to think about other things. The fact that even though I have running water, I haven’t actually showered for two days. Obtaining and consuming discounted day after Halloween candy. And these skeleton-printed Nike women’s running tights.

I’ve never felt such confusion over an article of clothing. And that includes Chanel’s giant fucking hula hoop purse.

Nike’s blog describes the tights as follows,

The tights feature Nike Pro and Dri-FIT technology along with spandex construction, ensuring they can stand up to any workout. The eye-catcher though is the visible x-ray bones on the front and back, not only illustrating the wearer's inner-toughness, but looking damn good while doing it.

TECHNOLOGY! That sounds FANCY.

At first, I wanted to hate them, because I tend to be sensitive about things that look thinspo-y to me. Exercising should be about being badass, not about being thin and frail! Fuck that.

But then I looked again, and thought about how there are so few unique looking women’s running tights that fall between either seizure inducing and painfully boring, and how I could really use a new pair of running tights because I’ve fallen off the wagon and those fancy pants might be just the ticket to get me out on the pavement again.

And I guess the kicker here isn’t how they look, but how they perform. If I had a dollar for every pair of tights I’ve owned that I’ve had to get rid of because of their tendency to embark on a relentless and annoying journey toward my taint during a run, I’d have, like $12. And a sensible serious athlete person should know better than to pick out shoes and clothes based on how they look.

But still: wouldn’t it be nice to have a cool pair of running tights that worked AND looked unique? Am blinded by their novelty? What do we think? Cute? Hideous? Badass? Played out? Meh? Since they’re totally out of stock of all colors and sizes, I guess I’ll have to wait until I see them in action.

— Erin Gloria Ryan