Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy Split, Rain Falls on the Grassy Knoll of Her Heart

Next time you’re in a Walgreens or a Duane Reade and you see that bizarre Taylor Swift display with the swag and the CDs and shit, offer your condolences to her 2-dimensional cardboard likeness, for she and Conor Kennedy are no more. Apparently the two “quietly parted ways awhile ago” and “it was a distance thing.” Reports abounded throughout their relationship that Swift was only into Kennedy because she was such a Camelot fangirl; there was even a rumor that she made out with his cousin Patrick Schwarzenegger.

However, however, another source reports that the two ultimately split because 18-year-old Kennedy got freaked the fuck out by the gale-force wind of Taylor Swift’s love. “She’s ready to find the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with,” continues the source. “But unfortunately, she thinks every man that gives her butterflies is that person.” Live and learn, Tails. Can’t wait to hear the upcoming single “Kennedon’t Ever Call Me Again.” [NYDN, Radar Online]

Nevertheless, our Tails persists in buying the house in Hyannisport. You can take the Kennedy out of the girl, but you can’t take the girl out of the Kennedys. Or something. [TMZ]

Oh and and AND the Kennedy clan just announced they plan to honor Swift along with two others at the Robert F. Kennedy Center just hours after she and Conor broke up. Whoops. [Page Six]

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The Houston clan and friends fear that Bobbi Kristina is in a bad way with her drinking, which is worsening as accusations of incest are thrown at her and adopted brother/boyfriend Nick Gordon. Apparently she’s boozing it up constantly on the set of new reality show The Houstons: On Our Own, which will probably draw more mental comparisons with Flowers in the Attic than any of us are comfortable with. [NYDN]

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The latest celebrity victim of phone hacking is Sofia Vergara, whose personal snaps were taken from fiance Nick Loeb’s phone and are currently for sale from some mysterious, creepy purveyor out of Delray Beach, Florida. While they’re not nude pictures, they’re described as “sexy shots” taken in the bedroom and the bathroom. So yeah, now you too can own a 5×7″ glossy of Sofia Vergara taking a big, sexy dump—just move quick because her lawyers are already on it. [Page Six]

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Lil Wayne’s private plane had to make an emergency landing in Texas when Weezy began suffering from “seizure-like” symptoms yesterday. He was rushed to a local hospital, where he stayed for a few hours until checking out around dinnertime. [TMZ]

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Katy Perry, that oh-so-lucky cupcake-breasted wonder, had a birthday lunch with Michelle Obama. If only we could be eating a Southwestern organic chicken salad with FLOTUS on the anniversary of our birth. [Twitter]

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• Pippa Middleton hosted a kids’ Halloween shindig. [People]
• Atlanta’s Real Housewife NeNe Leaks (better call a plumber!) might be reuniting with her ex-husband. [People]
• Chris Brown’s staying at the recording studio late and distracting Rihanna from finishing her album. [The Sun]
• Britney Spears’ former nanny backs her up during the Sam Lufti trial by saying there was no meth in the house. [TMZ]
• Michael Phelps had an unfortunate crowdsurfing accident and someone took video, which is the second worst thing that happened to Phelps this year (the first is Ryan Lochte). [TMZ]
• Anne Hathaway sang some songs from “Cabaret” while dressed as Sally Bowles at Joe’s Pub. All your musicals are belong to Anne Hathaway. Page Six]
• Reese Witherspoon’s gonna duet in ways that feel good with Michael Buble. [Opposing Views]
• Jonah Hill is single and on the prowl, apparently—having broken up with Dustin Hoffman’s daughter Ali last month. [Page Six]
• Julianne Hough’s first crush was her boyfriend Ryan Seacrest. [NYDN]
• A play based on the life of Amy Winehouse is coming. [Rolling Stone]
• One of the homeless guys in that tacky Bielberlake wedding video is pissed about it. [NYDN]
• This picture of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West as Star Wars characters back in 2008. [Daily Mail]
• Rod Stewart says, “I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor.” Try saying that five times fast! Or just eat breakfast. [Digital Spy]
• This picture of Jane Lynch and Russell Brand kissing on Leno gives me the weirds. [Facebook]