So, that virgin auction just ended, and we have a winner. And by winner, we mean enormous loser, because what grown man buys a virgin off the internet? He's obviously not looking for a great sexual experience, and if it's for the novelty of having sex with a woman with an intact hymen, that's iffy seeing as that thing can break in a million different ways that don't involve a penis — so what's the fucking deal? Are we on the set of Taken 3? Hold me, Liam Neeson.
Technically it was two virgins, but the woman, Catalina Migliorini, sold her virginity for $780,000, while the man pulled in a measly $3000. It should also be noted that this dystopian hell was strictly for penis-vagina intercourse (no behymens!) that'll take place on plane from Australia to the United States, because you know, laws.
Australian filmmaker Justin Sisely (who, it appears to us, has not made any other films, so we're gonna go with "filmmaker" here) tried to get this thing off the ground in his home country (law enforcement shut him down) and Nevada (the participants backed down, he ran low on funds) so he re-imagined success and headed to Brazil to find a new batch and auction 'em off on the internet. He has spent two years of his life working on this project so, uh, he sounds like a really great, interesting guy.
So, okay. If Ken Burns over there says his documentary is ostensibly about the price of virginity, he already got his answer, now he can call it off. Right? If it's just about the price of virginity, why do these kids have to go through with the actual act?
Oh, right, because you're filming the sex. Straight to Sundance for this guy!
The Daily Dot points out:
In addition to Catarina's virginity being far more highly priced than Alexander's, her body is also far more publicly scrutinized: he just needs to have two family members vouch for his virginity; she has to undergo a rigorous medical exam and be medically certified a virgin by a gynecologist, who will then turn over her records to the purchasing bidder.
Even better/worse, Catarina is allegedly using some of the $780,000 to build homes for impoverished families in her home state of Santa Catarina. That somehow makes this fifty million times sadder to me. As for whoever bought the dude, I just cannot imagine a woman who would ever buy a man's virginity. Bags of sand, people. It's like paying a million dollars to drive a pinto at Nascar. I think. It's ridiculous, is my point.
Paying and getting paid for sex doesn't feel like the real issue here, this entire thing is just so fucking exploitative. Hide your kids, hide your wife, then lock your doors, and cry in a corner forever, because life is bleak, man.