Well, this Sam Lufti vs. Britney Spears defamation trial certainly wasted no time in becoming a hideous bloodbath. Lufti alleges—via his lawyer Joseph Schleimer (ACTUAL LAWYER NAME)—that Spears was an out-of-control methamphetamine and prescription amphetamine addict who resisted his heroic attempts to get her clean. The infamous head-shaving incident, he says, was Spears's attempt to rid herself of her incriminating meth-infused crime-hair in case she was drug-tested. And, Lufti alleges, Spears overdosed on amphetamines the day she was placed in an involuntary psychiatric hold.
Britney Spears took a huge amount of amphetamines the night she was strapped to a stretcher and placed on a 5150 hold — so claims Sam Lutfi's lawyer in the opening statements of his defamation case.
Lutfi's lawyer, Joseph Schleimer, told the jury, on January 28, 2008, Britney had an amphetamine script filled. Schleimer says she took 6 to 8 pills early in the day, and several more later and went off the rails.
Lutfi's lawyer also said he tried to get Britney to meet with a psychiatrist 2 days before she was 5150'd, but Brit refused.
Spears's lawyer, Peter H. Venkman, Esq., counters that Lufti was basically a creepo Svengali—"a sleazy drug pusher and fame whore who fueled Britney with drugs to control her and isolate her from her friends and family." Ugh. Cool story, everyone. Now, clearly literally everything about this case is fucked, and I'm no Honorable Judge Reinhold, but I gotta go Team Spears. Just reading about the dynamic duo of Lufti & Schleimer is making me feel like I need to go get dewormed. [TMZ] [TMZ] [TMZ] [TMZ]
Special "Beyonce" birthing suites, like the one where Blue Ivy was delivered in January, are apparently putting gross newborn poors at risk because all the nurses are busy taking care of the rich babies.
Affluent new moms are getting a suite deal at Lenox Hill Hospital: Posh $1,700-a-night, full-service "Beyoncé" rooms staffed at the expense of less fortunate city mothers, veteran nurses charge.
The executive suites, including the one where the mega-star delivered baby Blue Ivy in January, receive nearly one-on-one nursing care. Two floors above, up to 18 newborns are sometimes tended by a single nurse.
"It's incredibly stressful," one nurse who's worked at Lenox Hill for decades told the Daily News. "You have too many babies. You can't do all you need to do for them."
A second nurse, at the hospital more than a dozen years, said her colleagues "have been saying they (hospital executives) don't care about the 99%, they only care about the 1%."
Oh. Snerp. [NYDN]
I don't know what any of these words mean, but apparently "Lisa Hochstein's husband fixed her 'uniboob' with 2nd surgery." Tell me more about nothing, hollow garbage people!
"I got my first boob job when I was 19," Lisa tells In Touch. "Afterward, my breasts were very close together, like a uniboob, and a little lopsided." After a year of dating, Lenny Hochstein (aka "The B00b God") finally gave in and put his then-girlfriend under the knife in 2008.
The Real Housewives of Miami star is now a size D and as happy as she could be with her new assets - and so is her husband whom she married just one year after her boob job. "My breasts look natural," she says. "And they're very soft to the touch." Good to know.
Was "hollow garbage people" too mean? I'm sorry. I just meant...self-obsessed puddles of sadness-goo. [Starcasm]
Christina Aguilera would like you to know that she is not wearing—hork—panties right now. Her vagina is bare. It's touching the upholstery. Right now. Because this:
"I don't like to wear underwear," Xtina said. "I like to be as free as possible at all times. It's just who I am."
I mean, that's cool. Do whatever, girl. In related news, has anyone else recently had a giggle attack lasting an entire flight because the president of SkyMall is named Christine Aguilera? Hahahahaahaha haha haaahahaha ha ha ha ahahahahaa. Ahhhhhhh. [E!]
- Thirteen-year-old makeup guru Talia Joy Castellano—literally the cutest human on earth—is undergoing a stem cell transplant in hope of slowing her two simultaneous cancers. [Radar]
- A dude sliced up the face of his one true love with a broken plate because he was so sick of listening to Alanis Morissette. [NME]
- Apparently the dress code at the Biel/Timberlake wedding was "blurry." [DailyMail]
- Attention, no one: Your favorite show Animal Practice has been canceled. (Animal Practice is way funnier if you pretend it's a show about kids learning to turn into animals—"Sorry, mom, I'm going to be late for dinner. I have animal practice.") [NYDN]
- KATE WINSLET IS DATING A DUDE NAMED NED ROCKNROLL. Rocknroll is currently employed as Professor of Epic Shredding at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. (Seriously, though, like—did Professor Sprout change her name to Professor Sprout AFTER she became an Herbology teacher? Did Newt Scamander go into care of magical creatures because his name is a slimy lizard-frog, or is it the other way around??? WHAT IF EMERIC SWITCH WANTED TO STUDY ARITHMANCY INSTEAD OF TRANSFIGURATION!? Seriously, you guys. Seriously. Keeps me up at night.) [Telegraph]
- The charges against human ipecac Howard K. Stern back got un-thrown-out by an appeals court. Good. [Radar]
- Literally never going to stop laughing about this. Literally. Literally never. [KOMO]
- Oh my gaaaaahhhhhhhhhhd, impoooooortaaaaaant. England you have to give me a HEADS UP about these things. [YouTube]