Sorry, Cranberry Juice Isn't a Magic Cure-All for Your Lady-Bits

Researchers at the University of Stirling reviewed 24 studies on the effectiveness of cranberry juice in preventing cystitis (a.k.a. bladder infections, a.k.a. GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH). Their findings? Bad news for Ocean Spray. It seems that, despite decades of conventional wisdom that turned vodka-&-cranberries into legitimate preventative medicine, the research found that cranberry juice provided “no meaningful protection” against bladder infections. Bummer.

The university said it was believed that compounds in cranberries may stop bacteria sticking to cells lining the walls of the urinary tract.

Some of the studies reviewed showed “small benefits” for women suffering from recurrent infections.

However, the studies’ authors stressed that these were not statistically significant. Women would have to consume two glasses of cranberry juice every day over long periods to prevent one infection, they pointed out.

Two glasses every day doesn’t seem like that much, but…okay. The good news: No more choking down gallons of that unsweetened cranberry bog-bile from Trader Joe’s! The bad news: Your bladder continues to be on fire.

According to the researchers, these results don’t necessarily apply to UTIs—only cystitis—and the jury’s still out on cranberry tablets and capsules.