Harvard Student Magazine Satirist Writes Racist Garbage, Doesn't Understand SatireS

Harvard — the storied Ivy League that's produced many great comedic writers well-versed in the time-honored rich people traditions of "joshing" and "ribbing" — has apparently lost its edge/mind. The art of subtle satire has been one of the staples of their comedy scene for quite some time — turning out the likes of Conan O'Brien and some other funny-ish white bros — but they've really dropped the ball at their student-run magazine, Harvard Voice.

A Harvard attendee brought the recently published article, 5 People You'll See at Pre-Interview Receptions, to our attention. In it "Anonymous" (more on this later) runs down a host of shitty stereotypes of the students who are idiotic enough to want jobs. It's all pretty dumb but the shittiest has to be:

2. The Asian
You can always spot the Asian contingent at every pre-interview reception. They dress in the same way (satin blouse with high waisted pencil skirt for girls, suits with skinny ties for boys), talk in the same sort-of gushy, sort-of whiny manner, and have the same concentrations and sky-high GPAs. They're practically indistinguishable from one another, but it's okay. Soon, they will be looking at the same Excel spreadsheets and spend their lunch talking about their meaningful morning conversations with the helpdesk of Bloomberg. Uniqueness is overrated when you make six-figure salaries.

So many problems here. Where to begin? First off, way too many words. I could've gotten the job done in a way less space. Please see:

2. The Asian
You can always spot the Asian contingent at every pre-interview reception because they are Asian and all Asian people look and act the same Ching Chang Chong Man Rice Paddy Hat.

That about covers it, right? But perhaps the worst part of this whole thing are the poor choices the Harvard Voice editors made after the piece was published. Let's explore their decisions:

1) Originally publishing it as written by "The Voice Staff" and then changing it to "Anonymous" when, I can only assume, they started receiving complaints. What happened, The Voice Staff?? If you can't stand by something you publish, then don't print it in the first place. And if you did made a mistake, strike through that shit (and I do mean shit) and issue an apology, like a g-d grown-up.

2) Erasing the entirety of "The Asians" section and replacing it with "The Super-Interviewee," which might make even less sense.

3) They obviously forgot to erase this crazy bit from "5. The Hipster":

The alternative kid spends most of their 20 minutes at the reception standing in a corner, mocking the Asian ass-kissers in their heads, and secretly hating themselves for being there and "selling out."

Now that bit has the added bonus of being racist and not making any sense!

3) The bizarre slew of Editor notes that have been posted since the "The Asians" was removed. In order:

Note from the Editors: We deeply apologize if this satirical article is viewed by some as racially stereotyping and offensive. However, we stand by our decision to publish this piece as a different look at the recruiting process at Harvard, which is notoriously dominated by finance and consulting.

And then:

Note from the Editors: We deeply apologize if this article has offended our readers. Though the article was written by an anonymous contributor, we have removed the inappropriate content because it is not in line with The Voice‘s mission of promoting satirical, yet inclusive, content.

Note from the Writer: Clearly, I've been censored, which in itself is an interesting reflection on free speech in America. If you couldn't tell that this article was satire, then we have bigger problems than me being "offensive."

(If you are curious to know what the fifth stereotype is, just take a quick look around the room. JK!)

And finally:

Note from the Editors: We deeply apologize if this article has offended our readers. Though the article was written by an anonymous contributor, we have removed the inappropriate content because it is not in line with The Voice‘s mission of promoting satirical, yet inclusive, content.

Jesus. The writer understands satire and free speech just about as well as the editors understand apologizing. For real, what is even happening over there!? I fully expect the next update to be, "We've been taken hostage, please send one (1) tiny violin, three (3) packages of Triple Stuffed Oreos, and seventeen (17) boxes of two-ply Kleenex."

I can't decide whether this whole thing is more offensive because it's racist or because it's just not funny? Maybe those two things just amplify each other — kinda like how sour cream and chives work in tandem to make a baked potato more delicious? Racism and unfunny do the same thing, but with grossness. I think a certain Lampoon alumni needs to go back and teach a schoolwide course in satire, irony, humor, and maybe also, having cute red hair and being extra tall and adorable. Yes?

Of course, then again, racism is over, we don't need Affirmative Action, the world is a melting pot of rainbows, shoot me in the face, etc.

5 People You'll See at Pre-Interview Receptions [The Harvard Voice Magazine]

UPDATE:

Check out The Harvard Crimson's excellent reporting on the issue. Hopefully this will keep students engaged!