This Has to Be the Cruelest Marriage Proposal Ever

Earlier this month, Katie wrote a post about a Russian man who proposed to his girlfriend by faking his own death in an accident. For those of you who thought that was the worst possible thing you could do to someone who loves you, think again. An American pilot has given that crazy Russian romantic a run for his money by making his girlfriend think that they were both going to die in a horrible plane crash, all for the sake of putting a ring on it. This is the Cold War of awful marriage proposals.

Early last February, pilot Ryan Thompson took girlfriend Carlie Kennedy for a romantic plane ride above the Chicago skyline. It started out as a fun pre-Valentine’s Day date, but things took a turn for the terrifying when the small plane began to nose-dive towards Lake Michigan, with Thompson telling Kennedy that the control panels had gone down and that he needed her to read aloud the emergency protocol instructions. Of course, none of this was real — Thompson was in control of the plane the entire time and hidden inside the instructions was the question “Will you marry me.” Kennedy, despite being overwhelmed with fear, said yes. How romantic!

Clearly, Thompson knew Kennedy well enough to realize that his stunt wouldn’t traumatize her for life, but what the fuck? Are we so desperate for original proposals these days that we’re willing to exploit our loved ones’ fears for a good story? If so, I have a couple of suggestions.

Find a girl or boy that you want to marry, gain their trust and, one day, have them come home to find their whole family dead in the living room with “Marry Me” written in blood on the wall (it will be fake blood and the family will be pretending — it’s a really good joke). You’ll be standing there with a knife, making your boyfriend/girlfriend think that you are the only person they have left in the world. Hopefully, they’ll be okay with that.

Or, how about instead of a boring old engagement ring, you cut off your ring finger and put in a box for them to hold on to? Do neither of those options sound good to you? Then you probably shouldn’t get married at all — clearly, you don’t want it enough.