Man Arrested After Attempting to Make Sweet, Sweet Love to Dirty Old Couch

Meet Gerard Streator. One night at around 11 p.m., an off-duty cop was out jogging when he spotted the 46-year-old Wisconsin man leaning over an abandoned couch on the side of the road. According to the police report, Streator’s hips were “thrusting up and down on the couch.” As the cop got closer, he yelled, “what are you doing?” Streator jumped up and fled, but the cop could see that “[Streator’s] penis was erect.” There was no one else on the couch. As The Smoking Gun puts it:

[The cop] concluded that Streator “had been thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions.” It is unclear whether the reference to two cushions meant that the couch was, in fact, a love seat.

Streator was was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior; the couch could not be reached for comment.