This morning serves us up some Gossip Girl meta-theater. Rumors on the set of GG are that Blake Lively is "glowing," which is Hollywoodese for "Lookit, there might be a baby in that person." A source from the show adds, "Blake is usually really careful about what she eats, but since her wedding, she seems to be eating a lot more. Everyone on set is on bump-watch."
Of course, this would make for primo scandal, or whatever, because she just married Ryan Reynolds like two seconds ago. (By the way, one good alternate definition of "scandal" is "something most people give 0.00 fucks about.") Lively's rep did not respond to emails last night, and there is no further proof at the moment that any animal, vegetable or mineral has signed a utilities-included lease to sublet her womb for 9 months.
Nevertheless, expect the following Gossip Girl blast shortly: "Hey, Cast And Crew Of Hit Show About Upper East Siders. Is B. pregnant with R.'s kid already? Insert pun here. Insert other pun about designer clothes for babies here. Veiled threat to reputation. XOXO, Gossip Girl." [Page Six]
After an on-and-off summer romance with John Mayer, Katy Perry, said to have been inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love (or by Julia Roberts making a weird ferret face and nomming on some plastic on the ubiquitous movie poster), has gallivanted off to an undisclosed location for a "spiritual quest." And one that is far away from cupcake bras and dudes, if you examine the absence of "love" in the following Tweet.
I ate, I prayed, I climbed a volcano. twitpic.com/aw542d
— Katy Perry (@katyperry) September 19, 2012
And when she gets home, she's performing at an Obama fundraiser. [MTV News]
Did you know that Amanda Bynes doesn't drive under the influence? That's what she told People.
I am doing amazing. I am retired as an actor. I am moving to New York to launch my career. I am going to do a fashion line. I am not talking about being arrested for DUI because I don't drink, and I don't drink and drive. It is all false.
Also included: the details of Bynes' getting kicked out of a spin class at Equinox on Tuesday for acting weird. ("Amanda stopped to take her T-shirt off, revealing only a tiny, black, strapless push-up bra – not a sports bra.") [People]
And the feud between
White Drunk Swan Lindsay Lohan and Black Other Drunk Swan Amanda Bynes continues. [TMZ]
Here's Lacey Chabert, a.k.a. Mean Girls' Toaster Strudel princess Gretchen Weiners, gracefully deflecting a question about Lindsay Lohan's monumental fuckuppery if you skip to 3:42.
She's very sweet, we enjoyed working together... You just never know what people have going on in their personal lives. I think that people should stop being so judgmental. I just wish her the best and hope she pulls it together - she's so talented, I don't know, all I can say is I wish her the best.
LiLo maintains that she wasn't drunk when she whacked into a guy with her Porsche on her way from a Slash concert. If you were gonna lie about one part of that sentence, wouldn't you lie about the Slash concert? [TMZ]
New details have been released regarding Monica Lewinsky's $12 million tell-all about her burgeoning Bedazzled dog collar empire. JK, it's obviously about Bill Clinton.
Although she spent the last few decades "protecting [Clinton], a "vengeful" Monica Lewinsky is out for blood and preparing to spill all of the details (that is, anything that was possibly left out of the Starr Report—which, from this reader's perspective, certainly seems MORE than comprehensive). As such, the book will feature sordid tales of Clinton's "insatiable desire for three-way sex, orgies," raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, warm woolen mittens, and "sex toys of all kinds." In it, Clinton allegedly refers to Hillary as "a cold fish." [National Enquirer]
- Heidi Klum is planning to file a lawsuit against French magazines who published sneaky topless photos of her, a la K8 Middleton. [TMZ]
- Kylie Minogue, meanwhile, aptly slammed the Middleton photographer as "creepy" and "awful." [Metro UK]
- Honey Boo-Boo's dad, about whom I am so intentionally uninformed that let's just call him Mr. Boo-Boo, almost lost his leg in an ATV accident but he's fine. Oh, OK, his name is Sugar Bear. Now I know. [TMZ]
- A Destiny's Child greatest hits album called Playlist will drop in October, forcing you to once again ask yourself why you haven't found another (a baller). [Billboard]
- This is a horrible fucking rap track by Lady Gaga if you care. [Digital Spy]
- Dax Shepard reformed his drinking and drugging ways to win over Kristen Bell. [Us Weekly]
- Kelsey Grammer bailed on an interview with Piers Morgan because there was a shot of his ex wife Camille in the opening credits. [NYDN]
- After unleashing a brutal Twitter rant against his recent ex Lucy Hale, some guy named Chris Zylka has apologized for being out of line. Maybe you just should have run away like Frasier, bro. [Sugarscape]
- Russell Brand sucked face with an unidentified human woman. [The Sun]
- Melissa Joan Hart had her third kid, a son named Tucker. [E! Online]
- "I don't know how I would have dealt with it if I were one of the Twilight guys." —the endearing Chris O'Dowd on the perils of young fame. (I would have dealt with it by actually seeing Twilight.) [Monsters and Critics]
- Chad Ochocinco Johnson is taking anger management classes after assaulting his estranged wife. "I gotta work on Chad," he says. "Chad has to work on Chad. Chad has to go deep down inside and figure out where he went wrong." [Detroit Free Press]
- Here are pictures of Jessica Simpson, Maxwell and Eric Johnson at Johnson's family birthday party. [Us Weekly]
- Billie Joe Armstrong told the crowd at a New York City concert that he wants to fuck Sharon Osbourne. [Page Six]
- Like the hustler she is, Jennifer Hudson did a surprise performance of an Aretha Franklin song at Hearst's 125th anniversary bash and then told the crowd it was her goal to portray Franklin in a movie someday. (There's a Franklin biopic slated for the near future.) Then she added, "Is anyone listening?" EPIC HU$$$TLE. [Page Six]
- DUDE, Maya Rudolph is performing a show with The Roots that will entirely consist of Prince songs. Gotta go stand on line bbl. [Page Six]
- Tom Cruise went home with a phantom lady in a London nightclub. [Daily Mail]
- Bobbi Kristina's maybe-boyf Nick Gordon waved a gun around in his car . [NYDN]
- Modern Family's Jesse Tyler Ferguson got engaged to his boyfriend Justin Mikita. [NYDN]
- Brad Pitt wants to do a Bollywood movie someday, and so do I. [THR]
- National treasure Melissa McCarthy might be joining The Hangover Part III. [Vulture]
- In which DMX learns how to Google himself for the first time. [Bossip]
- John Travolta is officially sporting the most terrifying two-tone dye job ever. [Radar Online]