19 Surprising Facts About Toddlers
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I, like most people who live in the world, have run across a toddler or two in my time. The problem is, I didn’t really pay super close attention, though, as I never intended to have an actual toddler, so like zoning out during the first six weeks of geometry and never picking up on how to prove a theorem, I found myself with a toddler, but without a clue about what a Pythagorean whatever thingy is. For instance…
Did you know that a toddler is just like a person who has never been told anything at all about how the world works, including gravity, feelings or bathroom doors?
Did you know a toddler will kick you in the face and then laugh even when you are crying?
Did you know that a toddler is not your friend, but totally loves you, but not if you don’t give it what it wants, and then even if you give it what it wants it sometimes loves you but even then it’s no guarantee, because that’s just how it is?
Did you know that a toddler will eat string cheese four times a day?
Did you know that you were tricked the two times you gave it to her because you didn’t know she also asked her father twice for string cheese when you weren’t listening and he gave it to her as well?
Did you know that if you think about it, your toddler’s behavior is really not all that different from your worst boyfriends?
Did you know that your toddler will jump up and down on the couch even though you said not to a thousand times, and then when you ask the toddler why she is jumping up and down on the couch when you told her not to, she will say, “Because I’m jumping,” like you are the idiot?
Did you know that when a toddler tells you things that happened that day that they might have happened today, last night or three weeks ago, and good luck figuring out which one, especially if it sounds kinda disturbing, like “and then he put it all over my body”?