Mitt Romney Reveals Crucial Stance On Snooki vs. Honey Boo-Boo

As part of Mittens Romney’s ongoing image renaissance, he and Ann Romney stopped in for a chat on Live! With Kelly And Michael. The interview airs Tuesday, but a partial transcript is available over on The Washington Post.

Just to recap: Ann’s previously abstained to speak publicly about birth control or gay marriage—but has previously said that Modern Family‘s her favorite show. Meanwhile, Mitt’s vacillated so often on abortion that it merited the creation of Mitt-Flops. But both revealed to Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan that they hold firm on some of America’s other hot-button partisan debates.

Here is Mitt on preferring Snooki to Honey Boo-Boo:

I’m kind of a Snooki fan. Look how tiny she’s gotten. She’s lost weight. She’s energetic. Just her spark-plug personality is kind of fun.

So he likes Snooki because she got thinner, unlike Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo’s Thompson family, who are not thin. Ick. Plus, they’re poor. Double ick. See? Romneybots—They’re Just Like Us™!

And Ann Romney’s Jean Paul Sartre-like stylings on the topic of the Kardashians:

Who keeps up with the Kardashians? Who can keep up with the Kardashians?

WHO INDEED, ANNBOT. But there were some interesting beats, such as Ann’s saga of wandering around the White House and walking in on George W. Bush getting a (clothed, or so she says) massage:

“He was covered up, but I was so embarrassed that the next time I did see him I didn’t know what I was going to say to him. [Later] I walked up to the elevator and am just, like, blushing, blushing, blushing. And he looks at me and he winks as he does and says, ‘I look pretty good, don’t I?

But here’s the best part. When asked who would play them in a biopic, Mitt Romney decided on Gene Hackman, and—surprisingly—namechecked The Birdcage, the Mike Nichols/Elaine May adaptation of French farce La Cage aux Folles. In the comedy, Hackman plays a super-right wing, bigoted senator who comes to accept his daughter’s decision to marry the son of a gay couple (who themselves sign a palimony agreement at the end of the film).

This begs two major questions: Who the fuck got Mitt Romney to watch The Birdcage, and since he watched The Birdcage shouldn’t that have planted an information microchip in his central computing system that sometimes gay people have families? For the record, Ann Romney went with Michelle Pfeiffer.

I smell a Birdcage reboot with W. in Hank Azaria’s part, amirite?

‘Mitt and Ann Romney go on ‘Live! with Kelly and Michael’ to show off their ‘just plain folks’ side’ [NYDN]
‘The Funniest Mitt and Ann Romney Interview Ever Involves A George W. Bush Massage’ [ABC News]