Woman Injects Man's Penis with Silicone, Man Immediately Dies

A 22-year-old New Jersey man has died after a woman claimed she could make his penis bigger by injecting it with some shit in her living room. She couldn't. He died. His penis, most likely, remained the same size. Ugh all around.

Street, a father of two, had gone to Rivera on May 5 seeking a penile enlargement procedure, which prosecutors say Rivera advertised for in fliers posted at local businesses. Rivera, who performed the procedures in her apartment, allegedly with no medical license or training, administered a silicone shot to Street's penis, according to prosecutors.

Street died the next day. His death was ruled a homicide following an investigation and a medical examiner's determination that he died of a silicone embolism.

First of all, crazy people, stop victimizing the vulnerable and insecure by injecting them with vanity-poisons. IMMEDIATELY. You are bad people who deserve to be in jail. I hate you. Condolences to this dude's family.

And second of all, dudes. It's really easy to tell that significant, effective "penis enlargement" is not a thing that exists—because EVERYONE IS STILL COMPLAINING ABOUT THEIR PENISES ALL THE TIME. If you're being force-fed herbs by charlatans at the gas station, and e-mail spammed by robots with serious feelings about megadik strong-dongs, there probably isn't a legitimate mainstream solution to your problem. Trading in all your DVDs for gold bullion is not a good plan, language professors DON'T hate that dude, and the only "one weird trick to a huger babymaker" is Photoshop.

Dear everyone seeking to enhance their dick by injecting shit into it, please listen to this smart doctor and have faith in common sense:

"If there were a legitimate method for penile lengthening, Johnson & Johnson or Pfizer would have bought it up and made billions and billions of dollars worldwide," Elliott said. "The fact that they don't means it does not exist."

And I'm really, really sorry that you find yourself at a loss in a society that tells you you're doomed because of the size of your genitals. But please don't despair. As Amy Poehler reminded me yesterday, there's a pot for every lid. That lady (pictured above) is not your lid.

NJ woman pleads not guilty in penis injection death [TheGrio]