Penelope Cruz Wants to Reassure Downtrodden Spaniards That She’s Not Even a Little Bit Arrogant

This morning, Penelope Cruz‘s agent let the world know that the actress really wants “to rectify” a quote she’d made earlier about being a one-woman government stimulus package for the languishing Spanish workforce. Cruz was quoted in an unidentified publication as saying, “I will produce a couple of films a year in Spain to provide work for hundreds of people,” a statement that some nitpicky people might call arrogant. At least, that’s what she was worried about, which is why, to dispel any misconceptions that her economic boasting was delivered in “an arrogant tone,” Cruz explained that she simply meant that she’s concerned about the future of Spanish cinema and will do her part to encourage filmmakers to make movies there. See? Nothing to be concerned about at all — Penelope Cruz is still humble, so you can go merrily about your Sunday business of watching Vicki Cristina Barcelona and trying to ignore that nature documentary narration. [USA Today]

• Klaxons would really appreciate it if Keira Knightley refrained from intruding on their creative process just to visit her fiancé, James Righton. Though the band members don’t have a problem with Knightley per se, rehearsals are strictly a “no chicks allowed, bro” situation, at least according to Klaxon Jamie Reynolds: “Sure, it’s an open house, and the door to the tour bus is always open, but when we’re settling down to intensive creative time, the girls aren’t recommended to come in.” [Telegraph]
• An enterprising photog in New York took a picture of Jon Hamm‘s half-boner and one of his testicles. Whether it was the left or right testicle seems like a great icebreaker for the first presidential debate. [D-Listed]
• Rumor has it that Venus Williams is dating 24-year-old Cuban model Elio Alberto Pis for several months, during which time the couple has been clandestinely (but gradually) incorporating tennis rackets into their bedroom antics. [People]
• Demi Lovato used Simon Cowell as a human waste basket by spitting her mints into his proffered palm. [Daily Mail]
• Carrie Underwood avoids reading about herself online, most likely fearing that she’ll find out that she’s merely a figment of pop culture’s imagination. [Blake FM]
• Kristen Stewart just bought an expensive beach home that she will share with her mother, thus becoming a character in her very own, real-life ABC Family sitcom. [Daily Mail]
• Stewart also went to the Toronto Film Festival premiere of On the Road because, like, it’s super-important and did you know that Jack Kerouac wrote the whole book on a single scroll of used toilet paper in the bed of a jostling pickup truck, hmm? [AP]
• Direct-to-DVD titan Lorenzo Lamas has a son, AJ Lamas, who ruined his Friday night by getting a DUI. [TMZ]
• SNL may be bringing on Chicago comedians Aidy Bryant and Tim Robinson for next week’s season premiere. Hopefully, neither of them will say, “Fuck” on national television. [HuffPo]
• Cobie Smulders of How I Met Your Mother renown and SNL regular Taran Killam got married. [Radar]
• Gravel-throated actor Al Pacino wants to make a movie about the late Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, which will provide the actor with a perfect opportunity to yell during a halftime locker room speech. [TMZ]
• Drew Barrymore reportedly loves the gay club scene so much (and really, who other than closeted Evangelical Christians doesn’t?) that she’s become the new owner of Revolver in West Hollywood, which features male go-go dancers. [Belfast Telegraph]
• Johnny Depp shares a tattoo with the man he helped release from death row in Arkansas, Damien Echols, one of the subjects of the new documentary West of Memphis. [AP]
• Lance Armstrong has been barred from competing in the Chicago Marathon, and so will have to go back to washing dishes at an Applebee’s in El Paso or whatever it is he does for a living. [Radar]
• Speaking of Ryan Lochte in a bathing suit, the Olympian just sold his house in Gainesville, Florida, which comes with a pool big enough to start that whale shark shampooing business you never thought about until this very moment, when the idea crept into your head and settled there forever. [TMZ]
• John Mayer may have accidentally come into some dirty Ponzi scheme money (like $465,000 worth), and has been included in a lawsuit seeking to recover $100 million. [TMZ]
• Somebody paid $94,000 at an auction for a bible that Elvis got peanut butter and banana thumbprints all over. [BBC]
• Jay-Z didn’t support the Occupy movement because he never understood what it stood for, though that need for narrative clarity didn’t stop him from selling Occupy-themed t-shirts like any good enterprising capitalist worth his weight in cotton polyester blend. [NYDN]