France Altruistically Attempts To Teach Vagina Brains About The InternetS

First of all, congratulations on figuring out how to type in a URL and then maybe even scroll. It took me at least seven years of deep and immersive monastery time to master the alchemy of the Internet, and I'm a quick study.

If you're still having problems figuring out whether the thing in front of you is a computer, or a pet, or even a SANDWICH FOR A ROBOT, The Atlantic describes a French line of "For Dummies" manuals written just for you: Internet pour les nulles, Le PC pour les nulles, and Le Mac pour les nulles. (Nul in French, is the neutral form of "dummy," used in the gender-neutral version of the book above, while "nulles" is a female dummy, or, as we might say, a bimbo.) Alexander Brown, a bilingual computer scientist who writes often on sexism in STEM, provided a translation of the text.

The line at the top is translated as "With the Dummettes, you will no longer have anything to be jealous of men for!" Yay, finally! It also promises to be "free of boring, technical considerations" and provide "only the minimum tools necessary" to figure out "how to plug it in and other fiddly bits" (actual chapter name). The crowning glory is really the manual series' man-icon, Mr. Dummy, on the cover, saying "A computer science book just for you… women!" There's not even a Ms. Dummy, which would make a lot more sense from a marketing perspective because she'd be able to speak in our native Makeup, Shopping, Boyz and Shoez tongue.

With Mac for Dummettes- a book made by a woman, for women – you will no longer be overwhelmed by a lump of scrap metal (your computer, not your car – that's a whole other story…)! You've tamed your man, now do the same for your Mac! It will obey your every command! From buying your computer through to downloads (legal ones, of course!), via the 10 stupid mistakes everyone should avoid, without forgetting the introduction to Pages, Numbers and the Internet tailored to your needs, Mac for Dummettes will become your best [female] friend! In this book, there is a strict ban on computer-scientist-with-spots-and-glasses' jargon! We're amongst girls, aren't we?

Yeah, fuck GLASSES, since we all have 20/20 vision as long as you write things in lipstick font "just for us." Every other typeface that's exposed to the female retina just looks like Wingdings.

'Thank God Someone Finally Stepped In and Explained the Internet to Women' [The Atlantic]