So, yeah, that's happening. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are getting divorced. In other news, both comedy and true love are now dead. Apparently the split is "very amicable," according to a rep, but that doesn't stop it from being completely fucking heartbreaking to total strangers with big ideas about love and happiness not being a CRUEL HOAX.
The couple, who wed on August 29, 2003, are parents to sons Archie, 3, and Abel, 2. Saturday Night Live alum Poehler, 40, and Up All Night actor Arnett, 42, have frequently appeared onscreen together, in both TV and film.
Their joint credits include Arrested Development, Blades of Glory, Horton Hears a Who!, On Broadway, Spring Breakdown and Monsters vs. Aliens. Arnett also guest starred in an episode of Poehler's NBC smash comedy Parks and Recreation in 2010.
"People think we sit around and make each other laugh and stuff," Poehler told USA Today of their bond in 2007. "But we're real homebodies."
If you need me, I'll be over here walking into traffic. [Us]
In an interview with Glamour, Paris Jackson talked about showbiz and life and why the label "M.J.'s daughter" doesn't fit her:
"The clique in my class, they don't like me or my friend because we're outside of the box. We're not copycats. [My brother] Prince calls me goth, but I'm more rock 'n' roll," the wide-eyed brunette explains. "A ton of kids at school have made fun of me; if I had to give advice to other girls, I would say, 'Hang loose and ignore them. They shouldn't faze you no matter how popular they think they are.'"
FUCK, the tightrope this girl is walking makes me nervous. [Us]
Ben & Jerry's ice cream has won a court order blocking a porno company from producing parody DVDs "with names similar to those of the company and its ice cream flavors." The DVD series, entitled "Ben & Cherry's," reportedly "mimics Ben & Jerry's packaging, including such images as puffy white clouds and grazing cows," plus pictures of—you know—dongs 'n' such.
Ben & Jerry's sued over the sales of such titles as "Boston Cream Thighs," "Chocolate Fudge Babes" and "Peanut Butter D-Cups," which it said were rip-offs of its Boston Cream Pie, Chocolate Fudge Brownie and Peanut Butter Cup flavors.
Seriously, guys? "Boston Cream Thighs"? It's like you're not even trying. [Reuters]
WELL, THIS IS QUITE A SENTENCE:
Music mogul Quincy Jones testified Thursday that he never told "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis that casino mogul Steve Wynn had threatened to kill the soft-porn producer and have him buried in the desert.
Jones then called Francis—who is his next-door neighbor—"A lot of drama." This is probably the greatest news story I have ever read in my entire life. [Yahoo!]
- Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa, the DVD of Snow White and the Huntsman is out, and the commentary track is all Rupert Sanders gushing about how luminous and amazing Kristen Stewart is. ERKWERD BECAUSE LATER HE PUT HIS PENIS IN THERE. [Radar]
- Amanda Bynes reportedly loses driver's license; Los Angeles breathes collective sigh of relief. [E!]
- Miley Cyrus made a new website full of Miley Cyrus bonus information, in case you're...in prison or something? I don't know. Who the fuck has the time??? [E!]
- Wayne Knight is totally not tired of being Newman. [Vulture]
- Marion Cotillard and Joseph Gordon-Levitt talked to each other at an airport. [JustJared]
- "CALVIN KLEIN DOES NOT WANT HIS EXBOYFRIEND TO WRITE A LURID TELL-ALL." Duly noted. [JanetCharlton]
- Here is Forbes's list of "Hip-Hop Cash Kings." God, Forbes, you guys are such dooooooorks. [HuffPo]
- Cee Lo is developing a sitcom for NBC. [Vulture]
- Lupe Fiasco might retire, following spate of murders in Chicago and a Twitter feud with fellow rapper Chief Keef. [MTV]
- "Obviously" Christina Aguilera loves showing her cleavage and "booty." [StarPulse]
- Daniel Radcliffe will portray a young Allen Ginsberg in an upcoming film, and it is going to make you uncomfortable. [MTV]