"On My Tits, I Had Disco Pasties": Hilarious Missed Connections From Burning Man

Some San Franciscans like to joke about how the last week of August is the best time to hang out in the city because all of the burners are far away at Burning Man, finding themselves in a whirl of “Mother Earth” themed campsites and MDMA.

But the first week of September is also an excellent time to be around, because that’s when the Burning Man missed connections start popping up like naked hula-hoopers in the desert.

There’s Raven, who has sicc multicolored dreads but needs her flying dragon art-car-driving lover:

I, was wearing purple polka-dotted crotchless panties, yellow fuzzy tap dancing shoes and rainbow knee-high socks with swirly peace signs. On my tits, I had disco pasties. I have sicc multi-colored dreads.

You, had a green goatee, and no pants. A cow patterned blazer, No shirt. Sicc tatts.

I saw you hula’n on the multi-colored flying dragon art-car as I was riding my TIGHT cruzer thru da sicc playa dust.

We made eye-contact and never saw each again! Hope the universe brings us together. Namaste.

P.s. my name is Raven.

p.p.s we saw each other at burning man.

(I love how she adds a p.p.s. about the location, as if anyone would think this all went down at a Whole Foods instead)

I’m sure this couple isn’t the only one that experienced “great vibes“:

if you were at Burning Man by the shave-ice (on Sunday) over at 7th&F and if you’re reading this “Ms Jackson” (your playa name)— then you’ll know that 3-Dolphins want to talk to you again.
U had such a good vibe.

xo
david/3-dolphins

Do you come to the Opulent Temple often?

We met Wednesday Night dancing late at the Opulent temple.

I introduced myself as Fuzzy; red fuzzy pants w/ suspenders, green monster hat, rainbow slippers, blue hipster glasses, purple polka-dotted bandana, keffiyeh, big smiles…

I asked you out on a date and you said yes! But I think playa noise messed us up because we never found each other after that…

(Disclaimer: Don’t get mad at me for making fun of Burning Man; I believe you when you tell me it’s an amazing, life-changing experience, etc. IN FACT, my friends and I tried really hard to go this year but couldn’t get tickets! Fucking hippies.)