Rihanna, God of Patron Shots and Cigarette Butts and Hangovers and General Chaos, almost got thrown out of a London nightclub after she supposedly jumped on a glass table, fell, smashed it and then started screaming “Don’t you know who I am?” when the doorman started kicking her out (which undoubtedly sounds less dick and more charming in a Bajan accent.) “That’s Rihanna, you idiots!!!” yelled her girlfriends. Eventually they left at 4 AM for another party, but not before they cavorted on someone else’s parked scooter.
For her part, Ri-Ri tweets:
If anyone can do it, she can.
[The Sun]
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- Swizz Beatz told Internet trolls to shut the fuck up about his wife Alicia Keys’ new look. [Page Six]
- As if this summer wasn’t enough of a shit sandwich for Kristen Stewart, her parents are getting a divorce. [People]
- Before hooking up with Conor Kennedy, Taylor Swift was “obsessed” with his family for years. This calls for a Lifetime movie in which Kennedy goes to college undercover as Peter Schmoogleschmidt-Normalperson to find out who really loves him for who he is. [Us Weekly]
- Is Brit-Brit competent enough to testify in court? IDK IDK IDK. [The Sun Daily]
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- Seal slams Heidi Klum, who might be hooking up with her bodyguard, for “fornicating with the help.” This just in: Dude capable of writing “Kiss From A Rose” also capable of being giant spiteful snobby asshole. [TMZ]
- Eva Longoria is opening a Vegas steakhouse “for the ladies.” No, but seriously, it is a woman-themed steakhouse, can we go? [NYDN]
- Chace Crawford hung out with the Fierce Five and everyone made McKayla Maroney face and it was good. [Us Weekly]
- Guys guys guys Bryan Cranston and Catherine O’Hara iz gonna be on 30 Rock. [HuffPo]
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