Vibease, a long distance massager that can be controlled by iPhone/Android, allows you to "stay intimate with your partner even when both of you are not physically together!" Which is all fine and dandy — except for the app's ridiculous promo video featuring John, a successful globetrotting executive and Jane, his naggy bitchy spouse who turns into the "sweetest wife ever" after John downloads Vibease and pleasures her from across the world, with no actual communication necessary! Like, EVERY MAN'S DREAM, right?!?

Poor John; Jane keeps getting upset "without an apparent reason" while her husband drives fancy cars around the world and she stays at home with the kids! What's that whiny shrew's deal?

But everything's about to change for the better, because instead of actually asking her what's wrong, John's going to send Jane Vibease requests via smart phone while he's in Singapore being his successful world traveling self and then she can accept it without even hearing his voice and then it's basically like he's right there next to her in bed, even though he's not, you know, there to help out around the house or with the children or listen to her problems and — okay, I think I'm getting a little too invested in Jane and John's marriage, but I think she should dump John and control her own vibrator, thank you very much.