Remember that weird story about how Lindsay Lohan's mysterious "friends" were suspected of stealing a bunch of jewelry from some rando mansion party? Well, it turns out, police didn't suspect Lindsay's alleged "male friends" in the theft after all—they were sniffing after Lindsay herself. And after the victim found that out, he told police to drop the investigation. Because he luuuuuuuuuuuuvs heeeeeeeeeeer!!!
The victim, Sam Magid, tried to recant his story but LAPD detectives say they have independent evidence to corroborate the theft and the investigation is full steam ahead.
We've learned text messages were sent between Lindsay and Sam over the last few days, and he says "I officially told Detective Rodriguez you can't take anything from me cause what's mine is yours."
Sam also told Lindsay he told cops the culprits were men.
It's also apparent Sam is obsessed with Lindsay, telling her he loves her and, "I will fight for you."
Jesus Christ, crazy people. Just go be crazy in private and quit wasting the universe's time. [TMZ]
Screaming yam in a wig Michele Bachmann says that Barack Obama is "too wealthy" to relate to the "common man"—despite the fact that Republican candidate Mitt Romney is worth hundreds of millions of dollars more than the president.
"President Obama is extremely wealthy," Bachmann said when USA Today asked how someone with "vast wealth" could connect to the American public. "He and his wife have been wealthy for a number of years, and so I think that's really the issue. President Obama is wealthy–what does he understand about the common man right now?"
Sooo...I guess the problem here is that Barack Obama made his money honestly by producing new things (it's from book sales, mostly)—instead of by screwing people over like a weaselly big-business shithead. He's the wrong kind of rich for Republicans, because poor people don't lose their jobs when people write books. [Bossip]
In related news, Jon Voight is an irrelevant, senile old gasbag:
America, guys, wake up. You should be appalled that they can get away with it, that they can attack-the Republican Party is a victim of a bias, of a destructive bias against the Republican Party. It's been going on for all this time and it's getting worse and worse. And, now this? Come on, people, stand up.
...I think because of Gov. Romney's great talents, his great compassion, his great gifts of leadership, he's going to win this election. The people are going to become aware of these qualities.
Oh shut the fuck up you hateful antique shit-monger. [E!]
Shia LaBeouf says he dropped acid to prepare for his role in The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman:
"There's a way to do an acid trip like Harold & Kumar, and there's a way to be on acid," the outspoken thespian opined to USA Today. "What I know of acting, Sean Penn actually strapped up to that [electric] chair in Dead Man Walking. Those are the guys that I look up to."
Gosh, edgy. I wish I could Method-act the role of a person who's never had to hear Shia LaBeouf talk about Method acting. BUT ALAS. [Us]
- Here's the first photo of Snooki leaving the hospital with her new baby, Lorenzo LaValle. As TMZ notes, the baby has hella hella hair. As TMZ fails to note, the baby also contains the reincarnated soul of Neil Armstrong (think about the timeline!!!). [TMZ]
- Alanis Morissette talks about writing her new album. [Insert hacky Dave Coulier blowjob joke except DON'T.] [MTV]
- Ryan Seacrest sold his old house, which he bought from Kevin Costner (who bought it from Richard Dreyfuss), and moved into his new house, which he bought from Ellen Degeneres (who bought it from Brad Pitt)—reportedly because the first house was haunted by the ghosts of Costner and Dreyfuss's careers. HEYOOOO! BING BONG! [TMZ]
- Here's Daniel Radcliffe talking to J.K. Rowling and I died. [PopWatch]
- Honey Boo Boo is turning seven and she's going bowling! (And fuck everyone—this family's unbridled, unselfconscious happiness is hella charming.) [Radar]
- Amber Rose is pregnant with a tiny, pulsating Wiz Khalifa. [Radar]
- Cameron Diaz went to the gym. Here are ONE MILLION PICTURES. [JustJared]
- Here's Harry Styles from Wand Erection doing a bunch of stuff. [ONTD]
- Terry Crews is my favorite
- This kind of headline is why I get up in the morning (also I enjoy yogurt): "Countess LuAnn De Lesseps Denies Cheating Rumors After Partying With A Sexy Pirate." [Radar]
- Wynonna Judd has resumed her tour, despite her husband/drummer's missing leg. [Yahoo!]
- Kelsey Grammer refuses to utter the name of his ex-wife (BECAUSE VOLDEMORT). [ONTD]
- Amber Heard went to dinner and also hung out with a ridiculous dog and for some reason I'm telling you about it even though I barely even know who that is. [JustJared]
- Awwwww, Julia Stiles is still existing! I missed you, Stiles! [JustJared]