Tom Smith, a Republican Senate candidate from Pennsylvania, could not believe his girl-power feminist ears last Sunday when he heard that Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin said that it was impossible for a woman to get pregnant from rape. Women totally can get pregnant from rape, said the esteemed thought leader, but that doesn't mean that abortion should be available to victims. After all, Tom Smith knows exactly what it's like for a woman to be raped and become pregnant, he told a crowd of reporters, because he himself had a daughter who became pregnant out of wedlock. Finally, a conservative male politician who understands what female rape victims go through. Ask any of them, and they'll tell you that being raped and getting pregnant is kind of like getting pregnant when you're not married to the guy.
Smith was asked about Akin's remarks at a press event in Philadelphia, where he really whipped out his empathy and waved it around in reporters' faces as he justified why he believes that abortion shouldn't be legal for rape victims. He'd been through "something similar." Reports Laura Bassett at HuffPo,
"She chose life, and I commend her for that," he said. "She knew my views. But, fortunately for me, I didn't have to ... she chose the way I thought. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't rape."
When a reporter asked Smith to clarify what kind of situation was similar to becoming pregnant from rape, the candidate responded, "Having a baby out of wedlock."
He added, "Put yourself in a father's position. Yes, it is similar."
Thank goodness we ladies have men around to tell us all about what it's like to be raped and become pregnant. Without the insight of men, how would women know how to feel? I sincerely hope that both Tom Smith and Todd Akin are elected to the Senate so they can form the first ever Senate Dudes On What Rape Feels Like For Women Caucus, where they'll generate periodic news releases containing analogies explaining to people who are not male Senators what it feels like when ladies are sexually violated.
Here are some other things getting pregnant from rape might be like:
- not being able to find a parking spot and getting your car towed.
- finding cigarettes in your daughter's backpack.
- coming home from a weekend away only to discover that your cat knocked over your brand new flatscreen TV.
- watching a particularly chesty episode of Dancing With the Stars instead of football.
- when your wife gets her period and gets mad at you for not buying tampons.
- having to pay higher taxes on your lakefront property.
- when your team loses the big game and then trades its best player to the Yankees/Lakers/Steelers.