America is a divided nation — ideologically, geographically, economically — but this week, many of us were able to cast aside our differences and unite under a common banner: disdain for Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin. And for good reason — Akin's statements on what rape is and what options should be available to victims of sexual assault were reprehensible, not to mention gross. But it seems that a few among us took that disdain way, way too far, and now police are investigating threats against the politician that range from nonlethal violence to murder.
According to the Associated Press, Akin, his family, and his staff began receiving threats shortly after the Legitimate Rape heard 'round the world on Sunday, and they've only escalated after it was clear that he was staying in the race against the advice of senior GOP leaders and even Mitt Romney.
But who threatened him? Could be anybody! It's like Murder on the Orient Express, when everyone's a suspect. Liberals can't stand Akin because he represents the very worst and most extreme of the right wing. Women don't like him because he thinks it's totes cool to mandate that they give birth to babies conceived during rape. Republicans don't like him because he said aloud something a lot of them believe but don't want the public to know. GOP officials don't like him because he had been leading incumbent Senator Claire McCaskill by 8 points before he flapped his ignorant gums. And children don't like him because he kind of looks like a clown without makeup on. Maybe everyone got together and wrote one word in a "Watch it!" note, so none of them could be implicated in the threats.
Joking aside, though — this better not be from anyone, male or female, on Team Woman (or else!, she threatened ironically). Threatening a person who doesn't understand rape with rape is an incredibly counterproductive practice, and it just makes everyone look bad. Besides, if you're uptight and upset, how are you supposed to get pregnant?