Uuuuuugh, Stop Adding Garbage Words to the Dictionary

You know what? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I don't think dictionaries should keep inducting new words.* I think we have enough already. ABOLISH IT. Like, I know we all had a hearty wocka-wocka when Merriam-Webster added "aha moment" and "man cave" earlier this month, but do we really need that stupid poop written down in a book where it can be eternally linked to our shitty civilization? In HARDCOVER? What if we all die and then aliens come??? Having "man cave" in our dictionaries-of-record is like heading out to a car crash in dirty underwear. I, for one, am embarrassed.

Here's why. By the time a slang term becomes established enough to qualify for inclusion in a major dictionary, that slang term is already deceased. That's how slang works. So then what goes into the dictionary is just a list of unfashionable, dorky, played-out idioms. It is a list of words and terms that everyone should immediately cease using...and you can tell it's time to cease using them because they're being inducted into a big book about the words that people use. PARADOX!

Anyway, it's not just Merriam-Webster getting a little kooky this summer (bwieeeeeeeeew!)—the Oxford Dictionaries Online has added their own list of totally kewl words that the kids are using (wait, is "kewl" in there? Sob). Via Jen Doll at The Atlantic Wire:

date night
dirty martini
douche
DW
ethical hacker
genius
group hug
guilty pleasure
hackathon
hat tip
hosepipe ban
inbox
lifecasting
lolz
micropig
mwahahaha
OH
photobomb
ridic
ripped
soul patch
tweeps
UX
vajazzle
video chat
vote someone/thing off the island
Wikipedian

Oh, Jesus Christ. VOTE SOMETHING OFF THE ISLAND? Excuse me while I douche my micropig until I start vajazzling lolz out my soul patch. For shame, Oxford dictionary. For shame. And I thought you were British.**

*I do not really think that.
**Also, it's 2012 and "genius" wasn't in there??? What strange perverted universe did I wake up in today? QUIT WASTING TIME WITH SHIT LIKE "TWEEPS" AND ATTEND TO THE ACTUAL HUMAN WORDS.

Photo credit: devon / Stockfresh.