Ann Romney is scheduled to speak at the Republican National Convention this Monday night, but if you were interested in watching her go on and on about how her husband is a crazy, fun-loving guy who impersonates police officers and is as passionate about cutting gay kids' hair as he is about cutting the deficit, you're going to have to flip past the networks — rather than airing Mrs. Romney's appeal to voters, the Big Three have opted to instead treat their viewers to some summer reruns. You guys, I'm actually kind of bummed about this.
According to the Times, people have had it up to here with the endless smug-off that has become American politics in the year 2012, and in many cases are actively avoiding political coverage altogether. They're sick of it. They're tuning out morning news segments about politics in favor of stuff about the Olympics or dogs who are poorly behaved yet still adorable. Besides, people who are truly into politics are motivated enough to stream the YouTube elections channel or just watch the proceedings on cable. Or fly down to Tampa and make a fun little hell-vacay out of it.
The Romney campaign is displeased.
"I don't think it's the decision that Bill Paley would have made," said Russ Schriefer, a senior Romney adviser, referring to the executive who ran CBS during the days of Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite.
Solid, white hot burn, Russ Schriefer. The RNC hasn't yet decided if they're going to move Mrs. Romney's speech to another night, since they were depending on Ann Romney's approachable sweetness (occasionally broken by disturbingly incongruous moments of rich lady dickishness) to counter the applause breaks for calls to war and the death penalty that would likely punctuate the other speeches. To further complicate matters, meteorologists are forecasting that Tropical Storm Isaac may make landfall near Tampa at just about the time Mrs. Romney takes to the podium on Monday. The only way that an Old Testament God could more explicitly let his disdain for the RNC be known is if He literally struck Reince Priebus by lightning as the RNC Chair raised his gavel.
Networks still plan on airing three nights of convention coverage — Tuesday thru Thursday — and in leadup to the convention, Mitt Romney will sit for two extended TV interviews with CBS and Fox News journalists who have probably agreed to only toss him the softest of softballs. ("Mitt Romney, do you like America, or what? Explain.") Similar network coverage will be offered for the Democratic National Convention next month.
If organizers move Mrs. Romney's speech, they better do it quickly, as they don't have much wiggle room. Wednesday is already reserved for several minutes of a shirtless Paul Ryan holding a microphone close to his face while smiling, shyly glancing down, and subtly flexing his arm muscles.