When Todd Akin said that he learned from "doctors" that women's reproductive organs can stop themselves from getting pregnant from "legitimate rape" (sort of like high tech, high security spy facilities that women can control with their minds) the world balked. What doctors? Dr. Spaceman? Dr. Nick? Dr. Pepper? Dr. Mcgillicuddy? Turns out, it's a real guy. His name is Dr. John Willke, and he's the sort of guy who declares himself the "founding father" of stuff. He's Send People Bloody Baby Dolls, Chuckle While Lying, Heavens Gate Cult Dude Nuts.
I don't have the wherewithal to form sentences right now, because I get an allergic reaction to overwhelming stupidity from people in positions of power that causes my fingers to swell up and me to exhibit physical symptoms consistant with Kuru, otherwise known as Laughing Disease. It's exactly what it sounds like. But just to give you an idea the kind of junk this guy's been dealing, here's a helpful rundown, compiled by the great Abigail Pesta at The Daily Beast,
- Willke founded the Life Issues Institute, an organization with an official stance against the Morning After Pill, even though the Morning After Pill is just a super high dose of birth control pills.
- He's written a book called Abortion & Slavery, which — I can't even. You know where slavery false equivalencies grow, comparisons to Nazis can't be far behind.
- Like many of his allies on the pro-sperm-is-magic. On the Life Issues Institute website, he writes,
If and when a sperm does penetrate the shell of the ovum, it sheds its tail, and will proceed slowly into the center of the ovum. Its 23 chromosomes will line up next to the ovum's 23 chromosomes, thus constituting a new cell, a fertilized ovum of 46 chromosomes. From the entrance of the sperm until the first cell division is a period of about 24 hours.
What is present at fertilization is an entire new human body, even though it is yet a single cell. This is the most complicated cell in the universe, for it contains within itself all of the information that is needed for this human to develop into a mature adult.
- First of all, a human stem cell is totally not the "most complicated cell in the universe." Actually, stem cells are incredibly simple and possess the ability to produce much more complicated cells, like neurons or other tissue. But yeah. Sperm= life juice and penises = basically Gandalf's staff. Sure, Dr. Willke.
- He doesn't think Akin's jaw-dropping gaffe is that big a deal; just a "slip of the tongue." The issue, he explains to TDB, is that Akin used the word "legitimate" rather than "forcible," which is what he meant, which means that Dr. Willke legitimately believes that ladies have magical parts that can be controlled by their witch-minds.
- Etc. The man's a quack.
- But there's one issue on which Dr. Willke and I agree — we both think Todd Akin should stick with his campaign for Senate, carry that thing until the bitter end. Even though we know his campaign has a fatal defect and likely won't survive.
- [The Daily Beast]
- Image via Kletr/Shutterstock