As the world's foremost expert on school being out, Alice Cooper took it upon himself to shepherd this year's graduates toward success with the WEIRDEST OP-ED EVER. Titled "A Rock Star's Guide to Coping After Not Getting Your Grades at School" (catchy!), the "advice" is like 75% Alice Cooper talking about how awesome it is to be Alice Cooper (if you can figure out how to be Alice Cooper, he recommends it) and 25% TOTAL NONSENSE. Like, a "WTF did I just read" level of nonsense. Like, a "Am I having a stroke or did human language lose all meaning" level of nonsense.
It's kind of endearingly bonkers—if you can distract yourself from the fact that Cooper is a born-again Christian who says he "doesn't care" about politics despite being a vocal Bush supporter, and that right-wing lunatic Dave Mustaine considers Cooper his "godfather." All of that dampens my good will just a bit, and makes Cooper's essay read like the self-centered, myopic ramblings of a privileged millionaire who has never had to face unemployment in his life, and who actively votes against the interests of the young and unemployed people he's trying to "help." But still, I laughed my ass out. Also I greatly appreciated his cameo in Wayne's World.