We have got to do something about the Canadian border, y'all. I dunno what — build a wall? Form violent gangs to scare visiting Canadians back into the True North? Place signs in the windows of businesses proclaiming "We Don't Serve Poutine?" Whatever We The People decide, we better act fast because the Canadians are driving into States in droves, all with pockets full of cash and intentions of bolstering our struggling economy.
This war is real, ladies and gentlemen, and is being fought over the triple-wide aisles of Costco, particularly those in Northern Washington where Canadians are shopping en masse to take advantage of our weaker dollar and gas prices. How can this hurt us, you ask. (Answer: It can't. Thank you, Canada.) Well, it turns out that Costco parking lots have limited parking, parking that was meant for tax-paying American citizens, and all of the spots are being taken by our neighbors to the North. Citizens of Bellingham, WA are so mad that they are protesting the situation in the most American way possible: Forming a Facebook page and whining about it on the internet.
Unfortunately for these brave patriots, there's very little they can do about the influx of Canadian shoppers who are legally entering our country to get groceries, give us their money and, as George Stephanopoulos reminds us, create jobs. But chin-up, my pouty American bambinos — if you're good, perhaps Canada will let you raid a Tim Hortons.