Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux Will Now Race Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to the Altar

Jennifer Aniston has successfully used her powerful love magic to convince Justin Theroux to propose marriage to her. Though Aniston accepted Theroux's proposal, the spell will not technically be complete until they seal their nuptials with a ceremonial kiss, whereupon Jennifer Aniston will acquire the cosmic power (probably fire breath or lightning eyes) necessary to destroy Brad Pitt and and Angelina Jolie's French château. I'm not sure what will happen to Justin Theroux after all this goes down...he's a screenwriter so maybe we can all look forward to an epic reimagining of The Count of Monte Cristo, with Aniston taking over the Edmond Dantès role and Angelina Jolie obviously filling out the Villefort role. Brad Pitt would play a hapless dude who smokes a lot of pot. The whole story will be very compelling and epic, and will probably require at least three separate four-hour movies and a prequel trilogy for justice to be done to the labyrinthine Hollywood love quadrangle playing out here.

Jennifer Aniston Is Engaged to Justin Theroux! [People]